TRIGER +swearing like a sailor + random thoughts

              just because i like to sewar does not mean i am uneducated.   my fav words are fuck cunt and bitch. i dont know why i like to swear so much. i manly swear when i  am really upset. most of the time i will call the person everything but a white man/women. i mean i give no shits  i really dont. i may come off as a cold person but i have to protect myself from people. all people do is hurt me anyway. so i have failed at quieting smoking. i didnt like how quitting made me feel. it made fee feel like life was draining from me. my doctor didnt proscribe me chentix because of my mental heath disorders.I dont have the will power to quit on my own. my entire life i have been a failure.

i have been skipping lunch now just so i can get more hours of sleep. my lanlord  makes me eat breakfast and dinner. I would rather not eat breakfast but i have to take meds. I hate taking my psych meds. i know what i would be like if i didnt take them. i would be a demon for sure. with out my my meds i would become vary suicidal. I dont want a repeat of what happen in 2015.  I really didnt want to die but i was with out my meds and the pleace where i was staying at gave me all my meds. so I had OD. was it worth it hell no. i had almost died.  the hospital where i went to first was going to put a a few things in me and send me to acute care to die. U OF M saved my like that years. i dont know how long i was in ICU for. during that time i had one vivid dream right after another. it scared the crap out of me.  when i waas well enough to be awake and stuff there was a really cute studint doctor. His name is michael and he was cute asf. i dont rember this dudes name but he showed me who meyavi was. im forever thankful. i didnt commit suicide for attention.  i also dont want pitty. this was just a sad time in my life and now i can try and help people who want to do the same thing.