why were you there in the first place?

you’re the fool in the corner.
you breathe hard,

you drop yourself
and wish he wasnt drunk.
because you know he’d pick you up

if he was ever sober.

you feel words radiating off your skin.
“hope is my own garden”. 
he might have a plan,
he might be thinking
what you’re thinking.
why the hell were you even there in the first place?

you, getting stoned with three senior guys.
you take two hits, and run.  put on perfume and pop a mint.
mom’ll be here in twenty minutes,
so think straight. 
why the hell are you there?
you don’t know, or you don’t remember.
and why do you always manage to embaress yourself?

you know you are inexperienced,
and thats a huge turn off.
so you lie.  you have a beer.

when you lean on his knee he says,
“you’re very close to me.” and you back up.
but then he says he didn’t mind. 

why the hell were you there at all?

the monotone message on your cellphone
“lauren said to bring you…”
why?  so she could ignore you?
or did he call you on his own….
but why would he?  so you could watch him get drunk…?

you decided not to worry about it (yeah right.)

(updates later…)