what does it mean to be vulnerable?

vulnerable: when you are lying in his arms
and you whisper, you breathe, you say
‘i love you’: a question in disguise.
because you want him to ask you too,
to say ‘i love you’ but really mean
‘do you love me?’

vulnerable, when he turns to leave and you say
‘wait, please’
and you say
‘don’t go’
and he won’t turn around.  when you’re screaming and crying
when he gives you one last look
when he kisses your forehead.
and he fucking walks away.

vulnerable when you sleep,
vulnerable in your dreams.
vulnerable in every word, in every action, in every
answer you give without thinking.

vulnerable when you write a poem.
when you know someone will read you
for who you are.

vulnerable when you’re scared.  scared and speechless.  speechless and unversed.  unversed and empty.  empty and sad.  sad and angry.  angry and hurt.  hurt and alone.  alone and 
     so
          so 
               so
                    so
                                                                                        vulnerable.

and afer a while the word loses meaning.  hell the world loses meaning and uses us.
each time you write the consanents and vowels you get more and more confused.  the closer you get the more it pushes you away.  the more you try to understand the more foreign it becomes.  vul….ner…able.  its not mine anymore.  its gone its jibberish.  its rubbish its become a vagabond word.  its become a word that sleeps around with every part of my brain.  i hold it to me and it flees.  every thought i process relates back to the word i once loved.  but it betrayed me.  v….u……..l…..i can’t anymore.  i miss knowing what you meant.