tough truths

now i start to see how you’ve seen me: distant, occupied, full of goals. we all like the unfair world when it benefits us.  and i have to admit that i like you more helpless, with fewer options than me.  i like to think that my future will shape yours more.  all of these thoughts are the results of reflections and analysis.  right now i wonder about the purity of my intentions with you.  maybe it’s just a  prick of jealousy.  i’m jealous of your life outside of me.  i’m jealous of the career opportunity being shoved in your face.  and all these fears creep into my heart: you’ll drop out of college to be a politician, you won’t come to mexico, you won’t come to the US for grad school… your whole life might be decided and root you there forever.  and can i give up what i want for you? 

at this point the truth is: absolutely not. 

we’ll see how your april visit goes.  maybe all of this is unfounded.