the small of your back and nape of your neck

some things haunt me

even when you’re here with me. 

theres something haunting in the fact that i cannot have you.

i can’t take it, i want to bend and break and be shattered so you will look at me.

if i could just remove myself, if i could just get out i would be okay. 

i hate being lonely.  it’s not fair.  its not fucking fair for other people to be beautiful while i sit here miserably counting calories.  it’s not fair that you get everything you want, everyone you touch.  it’s not fair that you can look at someone and melt them.  its not fair that i have to feel like this.  it’s not fair that i have to watch everyone else be…happy.  im sick and tired of being left out and wrong and not quite enough and not exactly what you want or need or hunger for.  im tired of being that ‘strong person’.  i got so sick of it that i stopped being there, did you notice that that part of me is gone?  i didnt want to stop being strong completely, but it just happens, you know?  i am turning into a ghost before your eyes.

so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long…