impossible germany, unlikely japan

"cheer up honey, i hope you can
there is something wrong with me…

oh, distance has no way
of making love understandable…"

-wilco

there are bound to be good nights and bad nights.  but why can’t there be more good nights? why can’t we at least get through two weeks without these crazy doubts and crazy thoughts and crazy implications, like who loves who more, and who would give up more to be together.  and i said it, i said that i wouldn’t be willing to leave all of this here to be with you, and you already knew that.  you said that you had already thought of that, of how unfair this is.  it’s hard not to want you near.  it’s hard to say, "put your life together first, and then we’ll worry about being together."  but i did, and it hurts. it hurts to be rational and logical.  and it hurts when there are pretty boys here, asking with their eyes to be kissed.  and instead, i pull out a picture of you and laugh as if signals were not being sent.  it would be so easy.  just look around.  look at john edwards.  look at people who have been in love, truly in love, for years.  and here we are, 11 days later and already doubting furiously.  already asking hard questions and not just grasping at what we have close.  and to calm us both down i said, we need to focus on these next five months because they are going to be hard enough.