Ageless
Stand back, Methusala,
I’m not ready to get old,
or to travel too much farther
or deeper into the night, yet.
I see crevices of age
in a mirror’s image
that doesn’t blanch
or flinch over truth-telling
like me in denial.
But I look hard at myself,
and I don’t see you, Ancient One.
Nothing changes,
this image in the mirror tells me.
No matter how many times I see it,
it always looks the same.
I’m still that youth
who even way back when
looked for signs of aging.
Youth, but now, past tense,
not on edge, but wary,
knowledgeable and experienced,
but where are the old enthusiasms?
Where is the compulsive need
to rush out and embrace life?
Maybe someone can make it reappear.
I link myself to all who’ve come before
when I contemplate where I’ve been
and how I’ve lived or not.
I haven’t lost, at least,
my keen awareness of getting older, slowly.
Aging is out there, somewhere,
just not for me.
I won’t become that old man
in white bare skin and bony legs,
hearing aid stuffed in ear to hear,
exposed, drooping a bit,
paying for his prescription,
waiting in line, like me,
but in no apparent hurry, like me.
At least he seems to be following
a safe path to his end times,
going slow, and taking no notice of me.
Oblivious, or else else he doesn’t care.
Why should he?
It’s hot outside.
No need to go fast and work up a sweat
like we who bustle about
brimming with more of what
we think is life’s energy and relevance,
puffed up with the importance of our busyness
and our being here in the first place.
(Written Aug. 11, 1999)
I miss the old enthusiasms! But, do I have the energy for them–really? Or would they give me that extra burst of energy to raise my arms in triumph when I finally hit the FINISH line?
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Most excellent, Oswego!! I think you have expressed every one’s opinions on growing old in this wonderful verse. I refuse to get old yet and do often wish for some of the energy of my youth but at this moment and this time, I am content to take it one day at a time. Tell me, my friend, what can’t you write well? In my opinion, nothing! You are a most gifted writer!
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I am surprised each time by the mirror’s reflection. It seems to have lost me for there are more and more hints of my mother staring back. Within, I feel little of the age that the mirror reflects. I have wondered if this is how the aged feel. Does the essence of them feel trapped in a decaying body? Are they surprised and wonder how they can feel so different from what their mirrors reflect?
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Did somebody have a birthday??? If so, Happy, Happy and I think you spoke for all us “baby boomers”. ryn: Thank you. I always feel flattered when you admire one of my entrys and take the time to say so.
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You know, on my side of the generational break, your generation, just behind ours, is …well, rather cute. Refusing to get old…heheheh. Suppose you find that getting old isn’t what it used to be and it is pretty okay as long as you are healthy. That would be fun to see too…but all this anguish!!! Aging has its own virtues, my heart says. Let’s see what it is. For me, so far,it’s uphill.
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Interesting that you are posting older pieces that you’ve written. Are taking a break? Lately, I’m finding that I lay in bed with so many ideas boiling over in my brain…but when the morning comes and I’m free to write, they are gone. I hate that. I’ve been sitting around, waiting to get old my whole life, it seems. As if there is some greater knowledge that comes with the
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Hope I’m not wrong.
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and now you’re older still
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Ageless… in a way i think of you as ageless.. you became early a serious grown up, and you will be like that, a little bit ageless – most of your life. Oswego, my friend – i like you exactly the way you are. You are different from most other i know. Your writings and the contact with you give me something i don’t get from other people – and that’s important to me.
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Odd that you should post this particular entry on my birthday. Thanks…..I think.
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Sometimes dear friend, limitations are not necessarily detrimental. For there is a quiet peacefulness that comes from the acceptance of age. Perhaps, what is sacrificed physically with our approaching years, is enhanced mentally in our greater appreciation of simple pleasures. “I like spring, but it is too young. I like summer, but it is too proud.
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So I like best of all autumn, because its leaves are a little yellow, its tone mellower, its colors richer, & it is tinged a little with sorrow. It golden richness speaks not of the innocence of spring, nor of the power of summer, but of the mellowness & kindly wisdom of approaching age. It knows the limitations of life & is content” ~Lin Yutang~
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RYN: I am so honored that you want to copy my last entry, but a bit embarrassed as well. I dashed it off not checking for errors or thinking about my words~ You brought back such lovely memories of my childhood & again, I thank you for the gift of your words. I treasure them! You are an ageless writer with a compassionate heart~ *smile*
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are you looking for someone? or just within yourself?
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An interesting title you chose for this entry, Oswego, and another keen observation of our constantly changing perspective.
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One of the good things about maturing is the ability to see things that we probably missed in the rush of youth. Beautifully written!
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A lot to think about here for those of us who are in the middle of it all…
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Isn’t it interesting that growing old is seen as depressing in our culture…this culture that worships youth with such vigor? Other than the increasing evidence of physical limitations, I for one embrace the opportunity to grow older and live more honestly, more deeply, and more richly. Your thoughts here, though, are well-taken and I would by lying if I said I never entertained similar ones.
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Yes, youth brings with it great enthusiasms……but in that enthusiasm can be a foolhardiness of inexperience. Age doesn’t always mean that enthusiasm is less but that more of the whole picture is seen and all aspects figured in, not just the first leap of inspiration. Youth wants to take on the world and feels less than perfection more deeply whereas maturity draws on the strengths it has. [Er
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You must have been reading my mind lately! This morning as I was entering the market a beautiful young woman entered before me. A teen cart boy followed her every move with his eyes, he then turned to me and asked, “Cart ma’am?” I then realized, ‘Oh My Gawd’, I’m 45!! LOL, All this time I was still believing I was 23. Somedays just don’t go as we please.
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These are my favourite entries. You say more with less words.
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I read this last night – over and over and over…and OD wouldn’t take the note I tried to leave. Maybe just as well, it was long and fairly sappy 🙂 Tonight it’s acting up, too, so you may not get this one…Thank you for your note. I’m here, and reading…and will have more to say when I can put it into words…xxoo,
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and you have to ask, what was all that busyness? stopping to smell the flowers tonight…this one is sweet.
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The mirror has never been my best friend. I learned early that behind the face one could find a beautiful person and nurturing lessened a handicap. The people I have associated with for many years were always much older than I. I loved them because they were human and in knowing them I gained from their friendship.
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Our life is constantly changing and ever flowing further and if we look in the mirror we can see the same person that stood there long ago, but the image is slowly fading. We can only see reality if we meet old friends. When I contemplate about my past it seems so unreal…all those years! Where have they gone? You expressed again so well what we all think and sense. You are a wonderful writer!:)
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