“Did you feel loved?”

Mum will say sometimes “I always knew I wanted to be a mother.” She’d talk proudly about how well organised and conscientious she was looking after three young children. And by that measure alone she was a great mother.

In my late twenties we were driving somewhere and she said, “You know, your brother told me he never felt loved [by me] as a child. Did you feel loved?” I paused unable to answer the question.

“You’ll break my heart if you say no.” I swiftly changed the subject.

The truth is I never felt love, affection or warmth from her. Most times she was indifferent towards me. Or annoyed.