Tough Cookie

I don’t know how to start this. Things are so hard right now.

I came home tonight and accidentally woke him upon my entry to the house. I went into our room to find my house shoes. I always wear shoes. I don’t know why.

As I went into the room, I held my breath. I was sincerely trying not to wake him. He jostled awake as I was slipping my feet into my shoes.

“I’m sorry,” my immediate response. He asked me not to wake him until I was going to bed.

“Baby, is that you,” his gruff, tired voice directed at me.

“Yes, sir.” My body instantly stiffened. I was ready for the attack. The “criticism” I’ve grown so used to since March 18th.

”I love you,” he slurred as he drifted back off to sleep. I decompressed, thankful that I had avoided another lecture.

I let the dogs out. They like being out of the crate. A stupid thing to say really. Who wants to be locked up. That’s for another entry.

Today is my grandfathers death date. Most people don’t align their calendars around their family members death dates.. I do. It’s a family thing.

I feel okay right now. You never know when it’ll change. My sense of security is non-existent, my self confidence in at the bottom of the tank, and my marriage is everything I’ve ever had nightmares about…

but you know what? I’m a tough cookie. I’ll make it through this.