Formally Known As

I married him in March of this year. I’ve waited to change my name, because I was very apprehensive of such a big change. Our marriage has not been a happy, stable or enjoyable one.

It seemed like our issue this morning was small. But after so many months and years of things being difficult, today was just the cherry on top.

I went to the drivers license office today to legally change my last name to his. I had to schedule this appointment three weeks ago due to whatever new rules the state has. I asked him this morning and multiple times throughout the last three weeks if he would attend this appointment with me, needless to say he did not.

I am frustrated because this is a big deal to me. He knows that I’m not super excited about changing my name, but I know that’s part of marriage and you shouldn’t get married if you’re not willing to change your name. As I was getting ready and hopped into the room to ask him if he was going with me and he gave me a blunt, “no”, I was just done.

This isn’t the first time that this man has disappointed me. He is in a constant state of letting me down. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything other than exactly what he wants to do. God forbid, I say no if he wants to go somewhere.

So today I start my day sad, frustrated, disappointed, and overall just let down once again.

I am beginning to think that this combination of feelings is my new normal.