it was my birthday

Time to write the list.

As a 25 year old I:

1) Moved in with Theodore. This being the first time in my life I’ve ever even entertained the notion of living with a boyfriend.

2) Cooked for Lama Surya Das at two different retreats.

3) Took a week to drive from Southern California to Western Colorado in a motor home with Ted. Saw Zion National Park (AMAZING) for the first time ever.

4) Lived in Grand Junction, Colorado for 4 weeks.

5) Ate pot cookies and bathed using a 2 liter bottle full of water in the middle of the night under the full moon in a desert in Utah

6) Went canyoneering.

7) Went to 3 yoga classes a week for the month I lived in CO.

8) Took a week to drive from Western Colorado to Central California in a motor home with Ted, his sister, and his niece. Saw the Grand Canyon! And Canyonlands! And other amazing places in the southwest.

9) Had two SUWS kids run away from my camp at the same time while the other instructors were with the rest of the group getting water, leaving me in a one-on-one instructor-to-student situation (the two kids left one guy behind).

10) Lived in Pinnacles National Monument in California, 2 hours south of San Francisco for two months.

11) Cried. A lot. Sometimes for days at a time.

12) Fell even more in love with Redwoods.

13) Saw the Fruit Bats play at the Henry Miller Library with about 40 other people.

14) Fell in love with Theodore Wilbur.

15) Realized he was abusive.

16) Told him so.

17) Packed all my shit and flew to Texas.

18) Stayed with Laura and Justin for a week.

19) Stayed with my sister Amy for two weeks. Reconnected with her/formed an amazing structure for our adult relationship to hang on. Hung out with her dogs. Was incredibly productive. Helped get her foreign fiance his visas to get into the country. Was unselfish and as helpful as possible to her around the house… a new role in my life.

20) Flew to Washington, lived with my cousin in Redmond for a month.

21) Ted visited. Had amazing time with him… went to Harstene Island, canoed, made love, went to see The National and Okkervil River, got along ridiculously well. Thought about going to Maine for the winter and working for his uncle in a chocolate factory. Didn’t.

22) Rock climbed with SUWS friends for the first time since college. Fell in love with it. Surprised myself and others with natural ability. I was actually floored by this – I’m never good at physical things… am generally very clumsy with terrible hand/eye coordination so feeling like I was REALLY GOOD at something that required strength and balance was incredibly empowering.

23) Flew to Texas, cooked for Lama Surya again. Pulled off entire meals by myself, several times. Chanted. Loved it. My Aunt and I became super close even though she drives me completely nuts.

24) Flew to Colorado. Stayed in Manitou Springs with Jessy. Thought I was in love with Greg and couldn’t live without him. Tried to arrange a meeting with him, basically failed until the morning I was leaving when Jessy, he, his fiance, and I went out for breakfast. Completely awkward.

25) Drove from Colorado to Montana in (my very own, this time!) motor home with Neil. Took four days. Was completely amazing. Love Neil to death, always will. Love that I own a motor home. Hit major blizzard/crazy icy roads/insane wind about 60 miles from home. Learned how to put chains on massive vehicle in aforementioned blizzard from crusty old rancher/pharmacist who had had his finger sliced off and reattached by my father twenty years ago.

26) Jessy came to visit in Montana, my sister got married, it was amazing. My family rocks, despite them also sucking.

27) Made plans to go to a yoga retreat center and do a work/study for three months starting in January. Had everything set up and ready to go.

28) Flew to Milwaukee to visit Holly. JET Program called while I was there and offered me a job teaching English in Japan. I freaked. Said yes.

29) Back home for Christmas. Watched the eclipse from the hot tub on our deck with Yana.

30) Re-acquired interest in shooting a bow/killng animals and eating them.

31) Tried to study Japanese. Studied all the wrong things.

32) Had some amazing days with my nephew. Cross-country skiing, playing ice hockey, making scavenger hunts, playing chess.

33) Flew to Vegas. Went climbing with SUWS friends and none other than Jorge Jordan, yeah, the boy I dated for all four years of college who I hadn’t seen since. T’was AMAZING.

34) Flew to San Francisco. Stayed with Ted for three weeks prior to shipping off to Japan. He taught me some Japanese. We played at being in love with each other. Probably fell more in love than we’d ever been before.

35) I was freaking out for most of the time between finding out I was going to Japan and going to Japan. Super high anxiety, lots of what the fuck am I doing, why am I going, I’m so scared what’s going to happen to me…

36) Arrived in Japan. All anxieties laid to rest almost immediately. Everyone here is awesome.

37) Started teaching. Love it.

38) Took up snowboarding. Went about twice a week for the first six weeks I was here.

39) Ted told me (for the first time, ever) that he’s in love with me. I told him I couldn’t spend all my time here pining for him. We decided to keep communication to a minimum.

40) I started kissing Alex.

41) EARTHQUAKE. Madness. Helplessness. Sorrow. Horror.

42) Spent massive amounts of energy convincing people back home that I didn’t need to come back and am safe here. Namely, brother and one sister were freaking out, sending tons of emails every day begging me not to martyr myself.

43) Organized a trip to Thailand for me and Alex. Executed it. It was amazing. Fell in love with Thailand. Climbed a lot there. Did my first lead climb. Gained a ton of confidence and skills.

44) Held an easter egg-dying party for Japanese friends which they all thought was the best thing ever and thus, it was.

45) Volunteered – fed refugees, collected food, clothes, blankets for them.

46) Decided I want to apply for the International Disaster Psychology Masters Degree program in Denver.

47) Kathleen had a baby girl… I have a niece! Named Maya. Who I haven’t met yet and won’t for a long time 🙁

That… about… sums it up.

<3clea