here i am, november 2010

I am going to try to actually write in here every day this month. This could prove to be very challenging, particularly when I am taking some days to drive the new motor home from Colorado to Montana. But, I, Clea Stalmaster, do somewhat solemnly swear that if I’m not able to post an entry I will at least write one and, soon as possible, get it to the internet.

Not sure why but it feels like a good time in my life to do some forced self-reflection so here we are.

Cooking for the Buddhists was a completely incredible experience. It felt like every bit of love I gave was picked up by one or all of the people there and magnified a hundred times and then poured back into my body just to slosh out, get stepped in, picked up and magnified and sent my way all over again. I had some really interesting talks with most of the people there and it seems like I was my best self. Everyone encouraged it. Lama Surya was incredible… he gave me a string of prayer beads of his that has been blessed by the Dalai Lama. He also gave me a picture of a Blue Buddha and when I asked him what it is he said, “It’s the medicine Buddha, a symbol of healing.” Which is exactly what I need right now. And he referred to me as a Buddhist a number of times which I don’t necessarily categorize myself as but Ted and I had an argument where he said I could never become a Buddhist but I told him that was bullshit and I could become whatever I wanted but he thought because I grew up with no form of reverence for any religion that I wouldn’t be able to summon up any form of ritualistic reverence for Buddhism. And, in a way, he’s right, the ritualistic, materialistic side of Buddhism is pretty much the only sticking point keeping me from diving in head first and swimming through a sea of mantras, bhoddisattvas, tokens, blessings, reincarnations, animorphization, etc, etc.

But, when I told Lama Surya I wasn’t sure if I was a Buddhist, he laughed and said that was OK, because he sees the Buddha in me and eventually I will, too.

All very interesting. The people! They are just so kind and warm and open and loving and self-aware and strong and dedicated. I have ten standing invitations to “just come visit sometime!” almost all from people over the age of 40 and some much, much older. But they are all the kinds of people that I actually would like, very, very much, to go stay with.

So, now I am at my sisters. I had a really fun Halloween. We dressed up and had a bonfire here in Amy’s yard and listened to some Rodrigo y Gabriela and daaanced and daaanced in the dark and howled and got all the dogs in her little town (possibly more dogs reside here than people) to go a’howling with us and Amy’s best friend’s son and his friend, both 23 were there and they seemed so young and I’m not really used to hanging out with people my own age but we did like an hour long photo shoot with our costumes and the pumpking and I danced with Sage, I haven’t danced with a guy in a while. Ted and I used to dance, in fact I loved dancing with him because he was a really good leader (Sage was not that good of a dancer but still, dancing with people is just fun no matter what!). Anyways. Dancing feels a lot like praying to me.

And today I took Gerardo, my soon-to-be brother-in-law to town so he could buy a birthday present for Amy and we got to know each other a little better. I like him. He’s warm and generous and he likes to discuss ideas and issues and interesting things.

We played Truth-Dare-Double Dare-Promise-or-Repeat this evening. I have not played that game since I was twelve. We spun a Heineken bottle around to choose who would be dared next. I ended up competing in a handstand contest, riding a bike around the block in less than 15 seconds (took me 17), jump roped with a hose (harder than it sounds) and dished out some good ones as well. What fun!

Anyways, there’s November 1st for you. Tomorrow is my Aunt’s birthday. I’m going to her house, then flying out of Austin on Wednesday to ten days of Colorado Springs. Can’t wait to see Jessy and Neil… I’ve missed them a lot and I feel like I am in a good place to have a lot to bring them, energy and love-wise.

<3clea