Where I Get My Crazy

If you’ve followed along in my diary, you know that my family had some pretty rocky years.  I like to say that we have all grown up together.  I’m proud of the people who make up my patchwork quilt of a family.

The following is a sample of my mom’s brand of crazy.  I like to think that I take after her.  It’s a letter she wrote to her brother, my uncle, who was a chaplain in the US Army, stationed in Kosovo around 2007 or so.  She’s silly and has a wonderful heart.  She makes me proud to be her daughter.

Hello my name is Sue and I am an addict It has been going on ever since the new Wal-Mart opened with the arcade in it. It was innocent enough in the beginning. My Granddaughter said “ Com e on Grandma you can do it.” I said “No it is just throwing your money away.” But after watching my Granddaughter play I figured it’ s only a quarter. I dropped in my quarter and moved the claw into position. Little did I know that when that claw dropped down and grabbed t hat fuzzy little bear I would be hooked for life. Oh it started off as no big deal, a quarter here a quarter there. But gradually the addiction started to take hold. When family would jingle their change or lay it on the table I would beg for the quarters. Please I would say it’s only a quarter and because they love d me they gave in to me. As my addiction grew so did my collection of animals. I began to hide my winnings in my glove compartment the trunk in drawers in closets it was taking over the house. I finally began t o give them out to my Grandchildren when they came over. Oh at first t hey loved them, but eventually they would run screaming from the house if I held one up. I would ask myself ”What have I done, I have traumatized my Grandchildren?” “ What kind of animal (I like the fuzzy dogs) am I, to do this to innocent children?”

As time went by I began to get cash back after my weekly shopping trip to Wal-Mart just to play the machine. Then one day I met up with the vendor on a Monday. I started to put my quarter in and he said “ If you wait till I fill the claw machine it will be easier r to get them.” That was the day I lost my soul to the Claw Machine. I scored big that day, I won fifteen stuffed animals. I floated all the way home with my winning. I smuggled them into the house and into my sewing room. There I tried to figure out where I could hide them. But alas there was not a single crevice unoccupied by a stuffed animal. As I sat down at my computer to figure out my dilemma I decided to check my email. I was happy to see a letter from my brother in Kosovo. As I was reading about the poor children of Kosovo something occurred to me. There must be thousands of children there that have not been touched by my stuffed animal sickness yet. It is the perfect plan, my brother can hand them out to children over there. The government will never know about my big winnings. My husband will never know how truly sick I am. My brother will never tell o n me because I know all his secrets. It solves everything it is the perfect solution.

So “My Darling” brother, if you know what is good for you, you will get rid of the evidence as quickly as possible and never mention it again.

My uncle’s unit loved the package.  They were able to gift them to children in the surrounding area, as well as send them to their own children back home.  💖