What Not to Say

My friend, T and I FaceTime, usually every Saturday morning. This weekend, I asked her if we could postpone, because I hadn’t slept well, and I’d been sneezing all night and had a sore throat.

Tonight, I was feeling better, so I messaged her to see if she wanted to talk now.

I have a genetic mutation that caused my body to stop creating antibodies to fight infection.  A fun co-condition is that my lungs are covered in granulomas, and due to years of respiratory infection, I have about 65% lung capacity.  I have been sleeping with oxygen for the past 5 years, and just this year, I’ve been instructed to wear it with exertion.  I have been told that I may someday need a lung transplant.

I’m about to be 52.  T is 66.  She’s is very conscientious about moving and stretching, and she takes her health seriously.

During our chat, this evening, I was explaining to her about the CPAP that I have just begun to use at night.  It ran dry, so it caused my sinuses to dry out, and that triggered the sneezing fit. I also had a sore throat, and was just tired from lack of sleep.

My friend got very animated.  She swore she’d never go through what I’m going through. She’d rather be dead than have to wear oxygen.  She then went on to suggest that she wouldn’t have the issues I have, because she takes care of herself.

I didn’t know how to respond.  I didn’t do anything to cause this condition. It felt very insulting.  And I feel that I still make a positive contribution to the world.  My life has value.

Then she made a comment about how if she  got cancer, she would just die, because she’s not selfish enough to pollute the world for her “old ass,” as she put it.

Drew, my fiancé and the love of my life, is still recovering from treatment for cancer.  Does she think it was selfish of us to want him to live?

How do you say things like this to someone you claim to love?

I may need to take a break from this friendship for a while.