Bio-Dad and More Good Stuff!

I think that the last time I wrote about my biological father, Donal, it was to say that I think he might be autistic.  There have been significant developments in that part of my life.

First, I shared my thoughts with my biological father’s brother, David.  I actually met Uncle David before I met Donal.  I was around 20.  I like Uncle David right away.  I felt a connection to him, and it was he to whom I first reached out in March of last year.

Uncle David has been a great ally in this challenging relationship with Donal.  I emailed him and told him that I suspected that Donal might be autistic.  Uncle David agreed wholeheartedly.  He told me he’d never thought about it, but now that he has, it makes perfect sense!  For some reason, that has eased a lot of the tension I felt regarding Donal.  We made plans for Donal and David to come to my family gathering in April.  At the last minute, Donal got cold feet and the meeting didn’t happen.  I was kind of relieved but disappointed about not getting to see Uncle David after almost 30 years.

Donal called me several times to apologize.  I answered the first time, but after that, I let it go to voicemail.  I was pretty drained after my trip, and had to take a few days to recover.  That kind of exhaustion can be hazardous with my health issues.

After a few days, I called Donal.  I had made him a promise that I wouldn’t ever just disappear out of his life.  When he answered the phone, he was absolutely elated to hear from me.  He was his usual, awkward self, but the part of him that sounded like he was expecting to be rejected seemed to be relieved.  It was actually a pretty nice conversation.

That conversation happened around May 6.  On May 9, I woke to the following message on Facebook Messenger:

I nearly screamed!  I have known my whole life that Donal had two other children.  Jason, who is barely a year younger than I am, and Kendra who is around 10 years younger.  I have looked for them off and on ever since the internet became usable for such things.  I once found a message from Kendra on Ancestry looking for Donal, but she never contacted me after I replied.

It was during a fairly recent search that I had found a death notice for Jason.  It broke my heart to know that I’d never meet him.  I’ve met so many Jason Hardys over the years, trying to locate him.

I know nothing about either of them other than their names.  I’m not even certain of Kendra’s middle and last names.

I contacted Theresa, the sender of the message, immediately.  “Hi! Donal is my biological father. So that would make me your son’s aunt!”  I was trembling, I was so excited.  She immediately sent me pictures of my brother and my nephew.

I see my resemblance in Donal’s family that I don’t see in my own.  My sister and her kids look just like my mother.  I don’t.  That’s always been a source of pain in not having a relationship with my biological father and his family.

Theresa and I talked on the phone for over an hour that morning.  We communicate regularly via Facebook.  I put her in touch with David, and she’s recently decided to allow us to tell Donal about Damien, something about which she was uncomfortable in the beginning.

One interesting tidbit is that Damien has been diagnosed as high-functioning autistic.  Maybe he takes after his grandfather?

Drew and I are planning an excursion to Massachusettes in the fall to meet my nephew and his family.  They live near Salem, and I have always wanted to visit there!

I sent Donal, Chuck, and Mike, the man I consider my dad, all Father’s Day cards, this year.  That’s a first for me.  Incidentally, I also accidentally sent my brother one.  His birthday was the day before Father’s Day and it was a nice card.  I felt so dumb, but then I thought it was funny, so I sent it anyway.  He appreciated it.

Actually, here is a recent picture of me and Ed, the oldest of the two brothers I grew up with.  Charles, the younger, doesn’t really talk to any of us anymore.  That’s a whole other story.

I think this is the first picture of myself that I’ve posted online since I got sick.  I’ve gained a lot of weight, but I’m no longer hiding.  I’m loved by enough people to no longer be worried about those who might hold my weigh against me.

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