Twelve Years Later

I can’t believe it’s been 12 years since all of this happened.  My life has changed so much.

For starters, one day I woke up and thought to myself, I wish I could be the kind of woman who would just walk away from this.  Then I realized that the only thing stopping me from being that kind of woman was making the choice.  So I told “Lunch Buddy” that unless he could look me in the eye and tell me that he had permission to be intimate with me, then I don’t think we should be intimate anymore.  And we weren’t.  We are still friends, even now.

He and his wife split up when she found a lover that she enjoyed being with more than being with Lunch Buddy.  He was the one who ended their relationship, but I knew it would turn out like this.  Fortunately, by the time this happened in his life, I had moved so far beyond him, there was no thought of “us.”

I had three significant relationships after him.  All three were disasters of one sort or another.  One was a man I’d met through an online game.  He misrepresented himself in many ways, but I felt sorry for him, so I let him live with me for about a year before I got tired of him sitting in my house playing WoW, while our puppies ate my shoes and new glasses, etc.

The next several years were filled with a wonderful friendship with the roommate I’d gotten to replace the lying roommate.  New Roommate was my soulmate.  I adore her.  My family was so glad to see me so happy, they were actually hoping that we were having a secret lesbian relationship.  Sadly, no.  I like men.

I dated here and there, and just before I turned 40, I was contacted by a former professor from my college days.  I had had such an intense crush on him in college and in my naivety, I believed he returned the feelings.
Well, it turned out that I wasn’t as naive as I thought I was.  We exchanged email for several weeks, and then finally agreed to meet back up.  It was a very passionate several weeks, but ultimately, he could not move past the fact that there were 18 years between us.  I was truly heart-broken.  I had believed that our coming together at that point in my life was cosmic.  Now, as with Lunch Buddy, we remain friends.

Then there was Landscaper.  Things moved too quickly with him.  He moved in with me and New Roommate.  For various reasons that I have since worked out and have journaled about elsewhere, I let him abuse me verbally for about a year and a half.  He drove a giant wedge between me and New Roommate, and she moved back to her home state.  We didn’t speak for a long time.

There came a time when I could no longer take his abuse and controlling behavior.  I’d begun trying to make amends with New Roommate, and I told her that I wanted to come to see her for a few days.  She said she’d love that, and I basically ran away, leaving a letter for Landscaper, that our relationship was over, and that unless he wanted me to throw him out on his ass, he would move into the spare room before I got back, and he would control his temper.  I would no longer take his abuse, and he needed to move out as soon as he could.

The time with New Roommate aka Best Friend was healing, and we’ve almost gotten back to where we were.

Landscaper finally moved out, and after some time and therapy, I began dating again.  I met a man on Craigslist of all places, and he’s the one.  We’ve been together for three years, and our relationship just gets better and better.

Coincidentally, he and Best Friend have the same birthday and the same three initials.  I met them both on Craiglist.  They both love Disneyland.  I take the coincidence as a sign.

So, my point is, never give up.  Love will keep looking until it finds you, but when it does, you have to be ready for it.