Thanksdreading.

My mom and siblings are gathering for the first holiday since we lost our dad. I’ve been really looking forward to it, but last night I asked Mom if there was anything that she wanted, and she asked me to bring a bottle of wine.
My parents were drunk through most of my teen years. They were angry drunks, and violence was not uncommon. They outgrew that by the time I finished college, and we’ve healed a lot since then.
But I have PTSD.  It is not self-diagnosed. I don’t like to be around people who are noticeably altered by alcohol. It triggers anxiety.
Anyone who knows me knows this, and for my mom to ask me for wine just demonstrates how unclear her mind is.
I adore my family, and this particular gathering is especially important to me. The dad we lost was not the biological father of any of my mom’s children, but he loved us like his own. I wanted this gathering to be a show of solidarity, that we are still a family: his daughter, my siblings and all of their children and grandchildren are my family regardless of blood or name. I need today.
But the thought of my mother drinking triggers me.
So I’m nervous, but I’m also confident that we can get through this. I just really don’t want to have to.