Me Too, Part 4
I began developing breasts at 8 years old. By the time I was 12 years old, I had the figure of a woman. My own brothers were obsessed with my breasts. They found it funny to run up and touch them. We all slept in the same room for a couple of years when Mom and her first husband split. I remember crawling across my bed to grab something. I accidentally knelt on my nightgown, which pulled it down in the front, exposing a breast. One of my brother’s cackled with glee. “I saw her tit! Her tit came out!”
I hated my body. I especially hated my breasts. I felt like they were the cause of all of my problems. They were what attracted attention from older men. They were what made people think I was older than I was.
In 8th grade, I suddenly had a lot of negative attention thrust upon me, when our leadership teacher told a very popular boy that he should “go for” me. I was not particularly popular, at that time, so this was considered hysterical.
In 9th grade, I got my first boyfriend, Scott. It was innocent and slow-moving as first relationships should be. We barely held hands in the beginning.
There was a day when Scott and I were in science class together. We were working on computers, and I had been standing behind Scott with my hands on his shoulders. I walked over to a shelf to get some paper, and our science teacher came over to me. He leaned in close and told me that if he were a few years younger, he’d be giving Scott some competition.
My heart sank. What do you say to your science teacher in a situation like that? I was uncomfortable. I was sickened. School, which had been my sanctuary when home was in such chaos, suddenly became less safe. I avoided him after that.
These past four entries are a sampling of how I grew up. I felt like prey, especially around older men. I thought that all men just had to be fought off. Imagine how that affected my relationships…. those will be my next few entries.
I would have reported that teacher. I am sorry you had all this crap happening to you. If you ever need someone who is older and can give you some insight please let me know..Maybe facebook is a place to start.
@jaythesmartone, Thank you so much for your generous offer. I have been writing these entries because I know there are others who have had these experiences and I want them to know that they are not alone. I’ve actually been very fortunate because my family has a very open dialogue about these things. I’ve also been able to get counseling from a counselor I really liked. I have a wonderful man in my life, and he and I can talk about these things, as well.
My point is that I have peace with my past. Thank you again for your offer. <3
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Thank you so much for sharing these entries, I’m sure that has been very difficult. I hope our world will find better ways to treat women in the future.
@thediarymaster, Thank you for providing a venue. It has been challenging dredging up old memories, but I believe that I have a calling to share my experiences. We share the same hope.
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Yeah, no teacher should be saying that to you and you should have told him to fuck off. I can understand why did not because of society’s perceptions. I hope you do not find this offensive, but your brother fucking weird–pardon my french–but your brother should not be grabbing your boobs (that is sexual assault) and staring at your breast. One of the issues in society is the development of puberty, especially beginning at the age of 8, and how it is different when women develop compared to men. Until about the 1920s that women were married off between the ages of 8-10, except Deleware where the age was 7.
*Delaware.
@mentaldysplasia, I am not offended by what you said, but I would like to point out that at the time of this event, my brother was about 7 years old. There was no one to teach him any better. In my family, the only lessons we were taught, were “if you piss off mom or dad, you’ll get your ass beat.” My brother is now in his 40’s and I love him dearly. He’s a good man and a good father.
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My sister, also, developed early, and had similar feelings about her body.
That’s really creepy that a high school teacher would make comments like that about a 14-15 year old girl. Did you tell anyone what he said?
@justamillennial, I didn’t tell anyone. It was in the mid 80’s, and the dialogue about what’s appropriate and what’s not wasn’t what it is now. It made me uncomfortable, but I figured I’d just be dismissed and I likely would have been.
@oniongirl, the mid-80s sounds so long ago to me. That was actually a few years before I was born.
Its really interesting to see how perspectives change over time. Especially with Gen X and Gen Y (or the Millennials – my generation, as if you can’t tell by looking at my username).
Back in the early 2000s, we were still talking about, whether gay people should adopt, and the concept of marriage. Years later, we’re in a period marking much more open perspectives on gay marriage and sexuality – gay marriage is allowed in a majority of western countries.
I find it horrible to think though that you would have been ignored. You’re a fantastic lady fit sharing your story with us, and a great role model for our younger generations.
I only wish that men would speak out more about sexual abuses/assaults that have happened to them, so that people could open up their eyes more to let it be known that it’s more of a human rights issue, than a gender issue.
@justamillennial, thank you so much. I write in the hope that people who have had similar experiences can relate.
Terry Cruz has spoken out about sexual assault that he experienced. I adore him for that.
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