If You Really Want to Protect Women

Monday, November 4, 2024,

Dear Gentlemen declaring that you will protect women “whether they like it or not” and “no matter what,”

I am a woman. I am the daughter and granddaughter of a long line of women. I am the chosen mama of a woman. I am a sister to four women. I am the auntie, grand-auntie, or chosen-auntie of eleven, thus far, but I’m always looking for more. I have been a teacher at an all-girl high school. I count dozens of women among my dearest friends, and I am a vocal advocate for protecting women. I think you could safely call me an expert on what makes women feel safe.

I’m sure you are baffled by the apparent backlash that the idea of “protecting women” has garnered. Why would women not want you to protect us? I’m so glad you asked! Let me educate you:

We have been telling you from the beginning of time that we want to be treated as equals. We’re still fighting for equal wages, equal consideration, and to get through a day without feeling like prey. In response, you tell us that there is no glass ceiling, and we just need to learn how to take a compliment.
You seem to believe that protecting women means riding in on a white horse, your armor shining and your spurs jingling to rescue us as Dick Dastardly ties us to railroad tracks. Yet when Christine Blasey Ford tried to tell you that Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her, you minimized his behavior and did everything you could to discredit her and humiliate her. Then you appointed him to the highest court in the land despite the number of women who came forward to support her claim.
When yet another story of a man in power extorting women for sex led to the #metoo movement, and far more than half of the women you know acknowledged that they, too, have been trespassed upon, usually as little girls, you balked at the idea, told us we had a “victim mentality,” and declared it a “scary time for boys.”
We tell you that we do not find catcalls flattering, and in fact, they often make us uneasy, and you roll your eyes and call us “snowflakes.”
When it was pointed out that Baby, It’s Cold Outside has creepy lyrics, your heads exploded and you refused to even consider why we might say that—for instance, the fact that in the original sheet music, the male part is labeled as “wolf” and the female as “mouse,” i.e., Predator and Prey. (see attached)

Wouldn’t you like to know what kind of protection we’d really appreciate? Of course you would! Why wouldn’t you?

Stop believing that you know what’s best for us. You’ve never been a woman. You have no idea what we experience.
Aside from stretch marks and extra weight, you don’t know what pregnancy does to our bodies. In my 53 years, I was pregnant for only about 8 weeks, and I barely survived. Neither my body nor my heart have ever been the same.
Understand that when women wait to come forward until a long time after an assault, it’s because they know they’ll be subjected to even more humiliation and abuse as exemplified in the Kavanaugh bit. They’ve just suffered trauma and humiliation. They have to let their emotional shields heal.
Call out your buddies and bros for misogynistic or predatory behavior (cat calls, gross comments, touching a woman without her consent, aggressive behavior with a woman under the influence, etc.).
Join us in calling out the judges who under-sentence convicted rapists, because “boys will be boys.”
Be good fathers so your daughters have an example of a good man and will settle for no less, and so your sons will know how to treat a woman with respect and set examples for their friends.
Demand that statutes of limitations for sexual assault be removed in your state. The only people they protect are the predators
Demand that the age of consent be raised to 18 years of age in your state, and that civil marriage before that time be outlawed.
We know that there are many wonderful men out there. I’m married to one and count several among my friends. These men possess a trait called empathy, and empathy is considered a weakness by self-proclaimed “alpha-males.” It’s not to the men with empathy that I am addressing this letter. They already know these things.
Pressure your local authorities to process the rape kits that have sat untested, allowing rapists to continue raping. (In 2022, at least 25,000 untested rape kits sat in law enforcement agencies and crime labs across the country. This figure only accounts for data reported by 30 states and Washington, DC; the total backlog number is unknown.)*

To protect women, you must advocate for women. To advocate for women, you have to listen to us and hear us.

Thank you for reading this far!