I Also

I have created a group on Facebook set aside specifically to discuss sensitive topics, so that those topics do not create drama on my regular wall.

One of the topics discussed frequently in our group is #MeToo.  Some members of our group think it’s a bad thing.  I am very passionate about it.  I have written about it here, several times.

My co-admin shared this link recently.  Just watch it, because if I describe it, I will be unable to do so without showing clear bias.    After you watch it, your can read my response, below the line.

I will never back-pedal from believing that #MeToo began as a good thing. It did and it has served its purpose. When I wave the #MeToo flag, it is to this purpose that I am adding my voice. Unfortunately, it has been appropriated by extremists, much like the Democratic Party, the Republican Party and Christianity have been. While I don’t agree with their methods, I can relate to the frustration of the extremists.

#Metoo began as a an exercise in identifying ourselves. Easily more than half of the women in this country have experienced some sort of unwanted sexual attention/aggression. In trying to discuss THIS dangerous topic, I have been met with statements like:

“But so many women make false accusations.” This is simply not true. Does one racist republican make all republicans racist? No. And one girl crying wolf does not make all victims of sexual aggression liars.

“But he meant it as a compliment.” I didn’t ask him for a compliment. And I seriously doubt that if that same man had been complimented by a gay man, he’d have been flattered. Unwanted sexual attention is UNWANTED. PERIOD

“Oh, I guess men should have women sign contracts before asking them for dates or having sex.” If you’re sleeping with women whose integrity is that questionable, what you should actually do is stop. Just stop. Masturbate. Get a sex doll. Leave women out of it.

No rational person expects all rape accusations to be believed without question. But just because a woman cannot provide DNA or photo evidence that does not mean that she is a liar, nor does it mean that an assault did not happen.

I have written volumes about my own personal experiences. From the age of three years old, my mother had to teach me that some men like to look at little girls’ panties, and so I had to be careful not to be alone with men she didn’t know. I remember the occasion that brought on that talk, it was harmless, though in retrospect, could have easily been a case of grooming. From then on, it would take more time than you want to spend reading to list the words, the comments, the looks, the ideas and the actions that have violated me. I have questioned the motivations of every man who ever paid me any positive attention, and I’ve often been right to do so. Never once filed charges. I’m not really sure that any of them would have warranted charges, but that didn’t make them any less damaging.

#Metoo gave people like me an opportunity to raise our hands and say, “You’re not alone. I’ve also had that experience. I’m sorry that you did, too.”

I’m sorry that this woman’s husband’s business was negatively affected by this movement. I could say some shitty things, like how she brought it on herself by calling her column “#meneither,” clearly a direct assault on the movement. I could say that I find it ironic that she uses the phrase, “should have known better,” as if those of us affected by sexual aggression have not heard it, thought it, felt it or believed it. I could say that she was asking for it, because when you “play dangerous games, you win dangerous prizes.” I could point out the attention she will bring her husband’s business and her column by making this video and the dollars to which it will convert.

But I won’t do or say any of those things because I am genuinely sorry that people quit or lost jobs over the whole affair. Extremists make it harder for all of us.

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