How Do I Get Myself Out of This?

I’d begun having pneumonia pretty severely.  I was hospitalized for three days one time. Everyone came to visit me.  My mom, my sister, Talib and Olivia; everyone except Bob.

When I got home, things began to get worse.  His tantrums became terrifying and I was afraid that he’d kill me someday.  He never laid a hand on me in anger, but he would say the most horrifying things.  He talked about killing and raping people.

One day he brought a friend home and told me that he would be willing to pay me $300 per month for rent.  His name was Randy, and he seemed like an okay guy.  By this time, I had lost my job at the high school.  It was for bogus reasons and I had a lawsuit pending.  In addition to this, Bob had rationalized it to himself that since he’d done so much work around the property, he no longer had to contribute to the finances.  I definitely needed the money, so I let Randy and his dog move in.

Randy was there for a couple of Bob’s tantrums, including one in which he told me he was going to be out by the morning.  I’d gotten to the point that I wanted Bob out of my life but I was afraid of what might happen.  When I didn’t beg Bob to stay, his antics grew more and more bombastic.  Randy and I were sitting outside and Bob came out and started yelling at me.  Randy stepped in and said, “you’re kind of being over the top, don’t you think?”  Bob calmed down a little and I went back into the house.

One day after Bob went to work, Randy asked me why I put up with his BS.  By now, all that I knew is that I was terrified.  I was terrified of Bob’s wrath, but I was also terrified for Bob.  The possibility of him killing me was not out of the question.  The possibility of him killing himself was also right out front.

I ached with guilt for how Adina must have felt.  I honestly had not seen how bad it was.  Bob had been able to convince me that she was jealous and that’s why she’d been acting so strangely.  Considering how worn down she was because of her job, I thought that might be true.

I hadn’t spoken to her since she left in February of 2012.  It was now the end of June of 2013 and I wrote her this email:

Subject: You Were Right

Jun 24, 2013, 9:37 PM

And I was wrong. I was so wrong and had no idea how wrong I was. I was trying so hard to stay neutral and didn’t take into account that I grew up being abused the way that he abuses, so it didn’t seem quite so extreme to me. I’ve lost so much because of him, but nothing so precious as you. I hope you believe me when I tell you that I honestly didn’t see it and I was just confused about why things were so crazy.

I just wanted to say this to you.

I love you and miss you,

Jenna

It was a day and a half before she wrote back.  She was cautious but she was willing to listen.  She told me that my message was cryptic but that she loved and missed me too.

I cried.  I wrote back to her immediately and explained that my message had been cryptic because I didn’t want her to feel like I was appealing to her sympathies.  I told her that I never thought she was crazy, but that I was confused and sad.  And I told her that I was planning an escape.

I had been planning to take Katy, my mama dog, and go to the ocean for a few days.  Before I left, I would leave Bob and letter, telling him that our relationship was over and that if he didn’t want to be homeless, he’d have himself moved out of my bedroom by the time I came back, and he would no longer speak to me in an abusive manner.  I hadn’t worked out all the details, but that was my plan.

Adina suggested that instead of going to the ocean, I should come to Oregan.  I was so happy that she wanted to see me, so that was my plan.  I worked out the details regarding money and talked to Randy about it.  He agreed to take care of the animals while I was gone and make sure that Bob didn’t do anything crazy.

I sent an email to friends and family and let them know the plan.  They were concerned that I wasn’t completely kicking him out.  I knew that being homeless was one of his deepest darkest fears, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do that to him.

On the day I called my E-Day, I waited for him to leave for work, I placed a note for him on the entryway table and also a note for Randy, so Bob wouldn’t suspect that Randy knew of the plan.  I gave Katy-girl some Dramamine for car sickness and grabbed my bags and supplies and headed to Oregon.

With rest stops and driving time, it took me about ten hours to get to Salem.  I checked into the extended stay motel where I’d already made a reservation.  I took Katy for a walk and then I got us settled into the room.  I let Adina know that I was there, and then I took a nap.

That evening, she knocked on the door to my room.  I opened the door and we hugged each other.  We held each other for a long time, and then we came inside to talk.  We spent time catching up on what was going on in each of our lives.  She had gotten a job as a manager at a thrift store.  She was helping her brother and sister-in-law raise their children.  She wasn’t thrilled with all of her circumstances but she adored being able to be there for the kiddos.

We spent as much time together as we could.  When it was time for me to leave it was sad and happy.  We were on our way toward mending our friendship.  It may never be as it was, because she’s determined to be there for her brother’s children.  But we make plans to see each other and we have a weekly Skype date to keep up.

When I got home, Bob behaved himself.  He moved out soon after but asked if he could keep stuff at my house.  I told him he could and he moved into a trailer on the property of a friend of his.

Up next, Randy exposes himself.