Don’t Assume

This entry began as a rant about one thing, and turned into a rant about another thing.  This, folks, is what it’s like in my head.  Enjoy.

People still look at me and think I’m younger than I am. When they see me on a mobility scooter, they raise their eyebrows. When they see me with oxygen, they make assumptions.

My NP, the other day, asked me multiple times, “You’ve never smoked anything?”

No, Ma’am! I was the obnoxious goody two-shoes who had no problem judging people for doing the things that I thought good girls didn’t do.
I was 28 years old before I drank alcohol for the first time. To this day, I have still never been drunk, though I have learned that Rum works more quickly on me than other alcohols.

I’ve never smoked marijuana. I never even tried edibles until they were legal. I did not like that feeling of being out of control and I still don’t.

My health issues are not my fault!

The only thing I’m guilty of is working my ass off for the first 26 years of my adult life.  Maybe that triggered this disorder.

I’m currently watching an episode of Dr. Phil.  “Aging out Loud.”  There are women talking about their experiences in aging.

First, I feel that these women are fortunate that they didn’t start feeling irrelevant until they were 30 or older.

I was worried about my body from as young as 7 or 8 years old.

In this picture, I think I was getting ready to go to church.  I was eight years old.  I can look at it, today, and see an adorable little girl.

But I had always hated this picture because you can see the outline of my belly pressed against the front of my dress.  Yes.  I realize that that is absurd, now.

I can list all of the moments in my life that conspired to convince me that I was obese when I was actually gorgeous, but you’ll get tired of hearing them.  I think the most egregious moment was the practice in my 9th grade PE class to track our weight with weekly weigh ins.  There was a BMI chart above the scale that stated that I should have been 130 lbs.  I cannot remember the last time I was 130.  In the bathing suit picture here, I weighed 150 lbs.  5’9″.  20 lbs. lower than that would have been unhealthy, but that’s where the chart in my gym class put me.

As an adult, my weight has fluctuated with my relationships.  When I was unhappy, I puffed up.  When I was happy, I slimmed down.  The exception to that rule has been since Drew and I have been together, but that is also around the time my health issues began.

I used to think that my weight kept people from taking me seriously.  I wasn’t even heavy and I assumed that.

Today, I know that people will take me seriously.  I’m confident.  I’m smart.  I’m well-spoken.  I’m also kind, insightful, and loving, so my friends adore me.  And so humble!  😜
For me, at 52, when I want people to notice me, I get silly.  I love to make people laugh.  I don’t really care if my age makes me invisible.  I like who I am, and Drew loves me.  Adina loves me.  Laura loves me.  My family loves me.  That’s what matters.