An Open Letter to THOSE Men

If you are not one of THOSE men, then this is not addressed to you.  If anything within this letter offends you or makes you feel defensive, you may want to ask yourself if you might be one of THOSE men.

“Those men” are the men I see in discussion threads who ironically throw out the phrase “Believe Women!” in a discussion about the woman who falsely claimed that Emmett Til had harassed her, leading to his lynching.   As if it’s so absurd to consider the possibility that when a woman says she’s been assaulted, she should be believed.

“Those men” are the men who call every younger woman on our crew “hon,” or “sweetheart.”  When asked to stop, they argue, rather than respecting the wishes of the woman.  You don’t call the men on our crew “hon.”  Why might that be?

When you hear about a woman turned serial killer who had been passed around from man to man as a girl, your best option is to either agree that this is a tragic story or shut your fucking maw.  Don’t try to tell a bunch of women who are commenting on how sad the whole thing is that, “If this was a man, you wouldn’t be saying this.”  Keep in mind that men get away with crimes against women every moment of every day.  Keep in mind that at the very least, more than half the women you know have been violated or trespassed by some man at some point in their lives.  Until you have been a young woman who grew up feeling like you had a target on your chest, do not dare tell women what they would or would not do, nor should you even dream of assuming that you know why.

When you use the phrase, “young lady,” to address me, do not pretend that you casually inserted a compliment into our heated discussion.  At almost 50, I’m hardly young, and whether or not I’m a lady is none of your business.  In either case, do you insert compliments into disagreements with males?  Of course, you don’t, because it wasn’t a compliment.  It was condescension.  Finally, why do you consider it a compliment to call me a young lady?  My years have given me experience and wisdom.  That is far more valuable to me than a smooth cheek or perky breasts.  I know that I value myself more in my middle age than I did in my youth.

You know that discomfort you’re beginning to feel in the age of #metoo?  You know… that anxiety that if you say something to a person of the opposite sex, it might be taken out of context or give the wrong impression?  That fear of the trouble you could find yourself in for just being yourself?  Welcome to our world.