20 Years Later

October 19, 1998, was, quite possibly, the worst day of my life.  David Don Current, the man I’d married at the age of 18, and whose controlling behavior I had endured for 10 years, had been a downward spiral since I told him I wanted out.  He had been out drinking, which he had never done when he and I were together.  On his way home, he encountered a railroad crossing and saw a train coming.  He exited his vehicle and laid down on the tracks.  He was 31.

It took me years of therapy, journaling, and sharing this story to finally get to a place in which I no longer blame myself.

I don’t think he’d have liked the woman I am at 47 as much as he thought he loved the woman I was at 18 when he married me.  Truthfully, however, I don’t think I’d have become this woman if I’d stayed married to him.

This woman is passionate about things that matter.  This woman expects to be treated with respect.  This woman has a sense of adventure and the guts to pursue it.  This woman stands up for those she loves and what she believes in.

My mother is speaking to me again.  She told me that she didn’t know I’ve called at least five times and left as many messages.  She didn’t explain the unanswered FB messages or why she stopped playing Words with Friends with me.  I didn’t ask her to explain.  I’m just glad that we’re past it.

I’ve been pretty sick with a case of YUCK and was diagnosed with a urinary tract infection.  This morning the Dr. Office called to tell me that the specimen I gave grew Strep B, so they have to change my antibiotic.  She also told me that my kidney function is down, so I’m supposed to drink a lot of water.  I drink a lot of water, already, so I’m not sure that any more will fix anything.

In other news, Teri is dying.  You may remember stories of Teri and Bill, Bill being the bane of my adolescence with his inappropriate comments and touching.  He died several years ago, and the only thing I felt then was pissed off, because I hadn’t been told until after the funeral, which meant that I couldn’t CHOOSE not to go.

Teri holds pretty much the same place in my heart as Bill.  She was hateful and abusive, and when I tried to shrug off Bill, she defended him as “just being nice.”  Every physical brawl I had to protect my siblings from, she was there and encouraging it.  It was she who supplied my parents with Meth, and I see her as an absolute demon.  I wish I had a picture of her, so you could see that she’d actually make a very good demon.  (I just found this picture of her which I cropped out of a family picture.  It’s a sample).

When my mom told me Teri was dying, I literally felt nothing.  I thought I should say that I was sorry, but I’m not.  It’s not very Christian of me, but I hope it’s a painful death and that she dies alone.

This is not my best work, but it’s honest, so I’m going to close for now.  Happy Friday!