Seems I only write when I am tired

It seems that I only prefer to write when I am tired and trying to stay up.  I don’t like going to bed too early when Shannon works third, or I don’t sleep most of the night.  He works third tonight and is sleeping now.  Somehow I found a Bones I have never seen before and am enjoying it imensly!

My emotions have been major up and down this past week.  I don’t know what exactly is going on, but my anxiety issues have come back in a big way.  I have been super tired, probably from not sleeping well, due to the anxiety.  I don’t know if it is hormones, or my thyroid, or what.  Either way, I really dislike it. I don’t like the hopeless feeling I get, I hate feeling like everybody hates me.  I have had this problem for so long, and have found out that it is most like linked to my thyroid.  I know it is a family thing, Dad and Amber have the same problem. 

Speaking of Amber, I finally met her boyfriend/fiance.  Funny how something so sad as my grandmother passing can bring a family so much closer together.  I actually am closer to my cousins than I have ever been, and I have hardly heard from Amber since she started dating Adam.  I know they have been looking at rings, he lives with her full time now and his little boy (Jacob, sooooo adorable, met him too) has his own room when he stays with Daddy and Miss Amber…but I had never met him.  I really like Adam a lot.  He is very good for her, she has put back on some of her weight (she just got too skinny) and is mostly happy.  I say mostly, because nobody is entirley happy. Jacob is a doll.  They brought him to the funeral with them, he is three, and was very well behaved.  After the service we all went to the dinner and both Adam and Amber tried to get him to hold their hands.  He kept saying no, I just held my hand out and he took it and went downstairs.  Now mind you he had only met me an hour before.  He asked me what my name was about 5 times, but he stuck to me like glue when we got downstairs.  I got him lunch and he sat next to me, told Amber it was okay for her to sit on the other side, but he wanted me next to him.  LOL.  He asked me how I knew Amber and I said I was her sister and he looked at her and said "I like you better".  That could have been the cake talking :-D.  He was so good though.  Amber said he is really very shy and hasn’t seen him open up like that to anybody he had just met like he did with me.  I guess he told Wendy he didn’t like her at all, won’t talk to my Mom all that much but really likes my dad.  I think that I look enough like Amber that he felt comfortable with me, and there has been something about me lately drawing kids in.

I have been helping my friend, Jak, with her four year old a lot lately.  He has a mild form of Autism and ADD.  He is a good kid, but mess with his routine and it gets scary.  He is very set in it.  If you switch his legos around he knows and starts yelling and screaming.  He will go for hours at a time being so good and then just start acting bad, and not easy to calm back down.  He hits when he gets upset or his routine is messed with.  He just got diagonsed and is starting to see a therapist but it is going to be a slow road to adaptation.  He is getting better just in the little time he has had.  For some reason he really calms down for me.  Anybody else he keeps acting up around if his mom is around.   But he will listen to me 9 times out of 10 when his mom just said the same thing and he ignored it.  I can get him to eat, sit and watch a movie, etc.  I don’t know why, I do nothing different from her, he just listens to me.  She gets frustrated, the dad is a deadbeat, doesn’t deserve to have a son.  She is a single mom doing the best she can.  She really does well with him, most of the time, he just is so difficult to deal with.  That is why I have been helping.  I like it, gives me some much needed little person time, and her a break.  Last week we spent three hours at the park, just him and me…he was so good for me, but he wouldn’t let me come home to eat.  LOL, he told me to eat dirt, he was playing.  I was worried more because he drank all my water and was sweating really bad and wouldn’t go home to get more.  Luckily somebody brought us a bottle.  

Last weekend I also ended up with somebody else’s baby for the whole afternoon.  I am not sure exactly who the mother is, but she is one of my regular customers.  I have been spending a lot of time with my girlfriend Lynn, because she is moving in November and I am trying to spend as much time before she goes as I can get.  Kids congregate at her house, she prefers it that way then not knowing where her kids are.  This one boy brought his one year old sister with him and he wanted to go play with friends and so we offered to watch her.  Lynn knows her mom and got permission, we didn’t steal somebody’s child.  The little girl would go to Lynn because she knew her, she didn’t know Jakki and wouldn’t go near her, so we thought she would do the same with me.  Instead she just turned around, looked at me, held her arms out and spent the next three hours snuggling with her new friend :-).  She fell asleep on my chest and slept there for two hours.  We fed her dinner and I just enjoyed my baby time with her.  I have been having baby fever bad.  Seriously, if I am not pregnant before my 30th birthday I have to start adoption processes, I am losing it.    And all these little ones connecting with me does not help at all.  Lynns 7 year old, who is super shy, loves me too.  She likes to have me do her hair and tell her stories, and sits on my lap.  My cousin’s 7 month old who had never seen me before picked me over her mom, and according to her grandma, she is a mama’s girl and doesn’t like to be held by strangers.  I don’t know what it is, I have been a baby magnet lately…Oh I want one.

yeah, no clue how my entry went in this direction…tired and wine coolers…silly heidi….love you guys