Odd dream

This morning I ended up taking Shannon to work at 6 because he overslept and I drive faster.  I had only gone to bed a few hours before, so naturally I tried to sleep again.  I only slept for a couple more hours as I had plans this morning (that fell through).  Anyways, I fell into a pretty decent sleep, and not long before my alarm was set to go off I had the strangest, but nicest dream I have had in a long time.  I remember a lot of my dreams, they have always been odd and vivid.  

In my dream, I had woke up, looked at the alarm (this is all "this morning" in the dream), figured I had about 20 mins and decided to close my eyes again.  I know this was a dream, because the times were all off.  Anyways, in my dream I dozed back off and had another dream.  I knew it was a dream in my dream.  Weird, but I usually know in my dreams that I am dreaming.  I was walking around, really worried about something.  All of a sudden a teenage version of my brother came out of nowhere.  He looked just like he did when he was a senior in high school right down to the shirt he wore for his senior pictures.  Still, he had all the properties of my brother in his current age, his wife, his adorable baby, their car, the fact he lived in Toronto, all of it.  In the dream he comes up to me and wraps his arms around me in one of the best hugs I have ever had from my brother.  I haven’t actually got one of these hugs from him in a long time.  He just held me, my head was on his chest, and he told me not to worry.  There was nothing to worry about, that whatever is meant to happen will happen and just to let it.  Advice I get all the time, but it felt different coming from him.  A teenage him at that.  I saw his wife and my parents in the background.  Olen was in the car, laughing, my dad was getting into the car all excited to be playing with his grandson.  My brother hugged me again and said he had to go.  In my dream the alarm went off.  Then I woke up.  My alarm still had 5 mins, the alarm in the dream actually woke me.  It was weird.  But it felt good.  It felt like my brother had actually been there, and gave me advice.  

I miss that.  My bother and I used to be close when I was young.  One time he drove all the way from Philly because I had wrote him a letter telling him I really missed him and couldn’t wait to see him again.  He had no plans to come home, just did.  He used to call me, on holidays, on my birthdays.  The last birthday call from him I got on my 16th birthday.  He came all the way from Cali to surprise me for my graduation.  It was his gift for me.  He called me an hour before I had to be there for graduation and told me how much he wished he could be there, and then the doorbell rang.  I was sent to answer it even though I was on the phone with him, and there he was standing there on my sister’s cell phone.  As time passed we grew apart.  He grew closer to Amber.  I really missed it, didn’t know what I had done.  I actually was mad, very mad at him.  In the last year we have started to grow closer again.  I love him, always have and always will.  I miss him a lot and am actually thrilled he is living in Toronto.  This last time he was home I couldn’t wait to see him and meet my nephew.  Amber wanted little to do with them.  There are no pictures of her with the baby. 

Apparently when I went through my self discovery stage my brother and I couldn’t be close.  He was the only one who championed my extreme goth phase (part of me still is, always will be now), but we grew apart.  He was falling in love, I was becoming selfish.  Then I fell in love, got married and had to learn to make it on my own.  He was doing the same thing in Cali.  We got married months apart.   Now we are trying again.  My brother remembered my birthday this year for the first time since my 16th.  He wished the hubby and I a happy anniversary while he never actually aknowledge ours wedding.  He answers my emails.  I love him…I can’t believe I ever let myself forget that.   This mornings dream really reminded me.  I think it was supposed to.