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 I can’t even form into words right now what is going through me right now.  I am tired of trying to handle the anxiety and really hate when I have to deal with my anxiety and deal with work to.  I have a hard time doing my job when on the verge of a panic attack, and it is worse when there is nothing I can do about it.  

My biggest problem with my job is I became friends with too many of them after I left the store, with no intentions of ever going back.  But I am back and now in the position of being the boss of some of my friends.  The one originally that made it the hardest has since gotten her own store, which for awhile has helped a lot, because the rest may get mad at me but I can deal with it, I know they get over it fast enough without making my life miserable, maybe just not talk to me for a day or two.  Until this week that is.  The oldest of my employees, a friend of mine of course, and the one everybody in the store calls mom, has for some reason gotten pissed off at me.  I really am not sure what I did for this level of bitchiness out of her, but I have.  I have some ideas of things that may have peeved her a bit, but nothing that this level has ever warrented before.  I honestly can’t remember which day this week she started glaring at me when I walked in the room, stopped talking to me, turning her back on me when I ask her a question, etc, etc.  One or two days of this I am used to, she pouts often when I pull the boss card instead of the friend card, which I don’t do a lot, because she does a good job, as well she is older than me and it is still weird.  The problem is it has been at least 4 (maybe 5, can’t remember if this started on Monday or not), days of this, and it is getting worse.  She wouldn’t even look at me today when I made her wait on me.  I know it is me, not just me being paranoid right now.  I have come out of the office, to find her laughing, joking, picking on, and being her normal self with everybody in the store, including the new people she has hardly worked with, which usually finds her grumpy, yet the instance she sees me she stops, she glares or she flat out turns her back on me.  

I do not know what to do.  It drives me nuts that I don’t know how to fix this.  I have prayed about it, worried about it, tried distracting myself from it, and now am writing about it.  I also tried asking her if I did something wrong, if there was something wrong, etc, she turned her back on me and said no nothing.  I am sorry, but that is not nothing, she couldn’t even look me in the face.  How can I apologize for what I don’t know what it is.  And for anybody who really knows me, knows that this is eating me up inside.  I have really been trying all day to get through this, but it is causing me so much stress, my head hurts so bad.  

I have to work with this woman every single day.  I work 10 hour days, she works 8 of each of them.  If she continues to be this way I am not certain what I will do.  She decided that she didn’t want the previous manager working there anymore and I know that she was the one who snitched what time and day they needed to view tape to get her fired.  I haven’t done anything that I can get fired for, at least not that I know of (big policy and procedure book, anything is possible) but if she decides she wants me gone she will find a way to make it happen.  

At this point I know I am over reacting in a lot of ways.  I could go to work Monday, after a weekend of not seeing each other and she could be just fine and normal again.  After her vacation in a couple weeks she could be over it.  I don’t know.  I think that is what is driving me most nuts.  I hate not knowing. I just want this all to go away, to just not have to deal with it right now.  I just want to get through my weekend and enjoy it.