Put on Notice …

The Child: "And don’t be going behind me after I’m asleep and moving my ornaments around. Remember, I have a good memory, you don’t, so I’ll know if you moved my ornaments because I am memorizing where I am putting them."

Me: o.Ô

Guess she told me …

That was a conversation we had Wednesday afternoon as we were decorating the Christmas Tree.

Now as most of you know, I have OCD. Sometimes it is manageable. Sometimes it is not. This particular afternoon it was borderline off the charts! lol Normally I decorate the tree while she is at school that way I can do the tree the way I like it. I will leave an ornament or 2 out for her & let her do candy canes so she feels like she has contributed, but yeah, I do the tree my way. Usually when I start dragging the stuff out, she’s all "I wanna help decorate the tree! I wanna do it! Please Mama!" And I am all "Sure thing Boo. But you have to help unpack and set the tree up & fluff it out. And then you’ll have to help wrap all the ornaments back up and and take the tree down and help put everything away." By the time I finish saying that last sentence, I’m talking to an empty room lol. I’ve told her & him a million times that if they want to help decorate then they have to help set up & take down. Apparently no one wants to do that. So if I am stuck doing ALL the work by myself then I can decorate the tree the way *I* want it decorated. The hell if I will do all the sweating, crying, cursing and they get all the glory!

So anyway, as I mentioned in my last entry, the tree decided to be sick this year. After 2 days of fighting with it, I conceded the loss and decided to make do.

(Before I forget, Hubby sent me a text message Wed. morning telling me to go buy a new one. After he had said the night before that we weren’t buying a new one. Bipolar much? LOL Anyway I told him no thanks, that I would make do. I mean hellllooooooooo! There is only Walmart to shop from in this town. I want choices damnit! So I didn’t run out & buy a new one.)

I get the tree all fluffed out, get the sick branches moved around so that they are all on the same side. And commence to decorate. Then I had to go get her from school. So the tree was only half done. So she starts just throwing ornaments here & there & everywhere lol. I had to keep "directing" her that these go on first, heavy ones go here, small ones go there, etc. Pfffffttttttt girlfriend did NOT care lol. I was trying so hard to not let my OCD get the best of me.

Do you know what it sounds like when a plastic ornament hits a wood floor? How about when a glass ornament hits a wooden floor?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we finally make it through the ordeal. Me just barely. But I’m able to calm myself thinking of where I will be moving ornaments on the tree after she goes to bed because I don’t care what she told me! LOL I knew I would never be able to sleep otherwise lol.

Hubby comes home late after making a tool buying stop. After we eat dinner he pulls this contraption out of the bag and says to me, "Now be prepared to be dazzled by greatness!" and walks towards my tree …

"Wait … what? What are you doing?"

"Get away from my tree!"

*gasp* I die a little inside as I am watching him separate my nicely fluffed branches ….

THUNK ….. THunk …. thunk thunk thunk …. is the sound of a plastic ball ornament as it is *accidentally* knocked off and it hits the floor and bounces across the room ….

"Damnit! Why the hell did you decorate this damn tree!" yells Hubby as I am pacing in my office, chewing on a thumb nail ….

"Sonofabitch!"" Hubby yells as a few ornaments hit the floor …. as I am getting the dishes ready to be washed ….

*crash* is the sound a glass ball makes when it hits the floor …

"Jesus Christ! Come clean this mess up before I cut my foot!"

"What the hell? Why isn’t this working?" … "Godamnit! Come move these ornaments before I break them all!" I hear him yelling as I am outside chain smoking trying to calm my nerves …

I finally feel I am calm enough to go back inside. I move ornaments off the tree and out of his way. I then head downstairs because apparently I’m not calm enough to be in the same house yet and as I am heading down the staircase, *crash* …. I kept on going until I ended up in the craft room with all doors closed behind me on my way into that room, and proceed to have one hell of an anxiety attack.

It has been years, and I mean way before she was born years, since I last had an anxiety attack. I had forgotten how much fun those suckers were NOT! I think I was more mad at myself that I was allowing a silly tree get the best of me. I mean seriously, it.is.just.a.tree. I should not be getting worked up over it!! But I did, and I was not proud of it. I hear him calling my name so I dry my tears, try to make myself presentable and yell, "Be there in a minute." As I am making my way back to the staircase he has just come down them and he’s all, "Touch greatness! Go ahead, touch it!" Then he grabs my hand and lays it on his arm. Then he walks me back upstairs, and there it is, my beloved Christmas Tree, no longer sick, but looking like a hot mess because of the missing ornaments and flattened branches.

My beloved tree is whole again.

But because of coming down off the anxiety attack, I couldn’t fully appreciate it, or appreciate the fact that Hubby had fixed it. Seriously, he could have said, "Hey, I bought this doohickey thingy to see if I can fix the tree. It’s worth a shot. Would you mind removing all the ornaments around the sick branches so that they don’t get knocked off and broken?" But did he? No he did not. Instead he went in all "I am Mister Man! I fix shit!" and didn’t give a rats ass if anything got broken in the process. And it’s not like he doesn’t know about my OCD after 19+ years. He could have at least given me a chance to save the ornaments that are now forever gone.

That night I sat in the dark, with my earbuds blaring my iPhone music, and berated myself for allowing a stupid tree, an artificial, stupid tree, get the best of me. I’m usually better than that! I survived The Child’s leg ordeal without a breakdown; I survived moving from SC to OK by myself while Hubby was in Korea; I then survived another state to state move 8 months later, all without a single tear.

And then I realized what my problem was … I was over analyzing it. I was giving the situation power over me, to allow it to get to me, to bother me. Well no more. It is done. It’s time to move past it. I have taken control back.

When he was showing me the fixed tree, Hubby informed me that I needed to go to the store & buy replacement bulbs & change them out on all the sockets he put colored tape on. So I did that yesterday, after I removed every ornament off the tree. I replaced 23 bulbs but looking at the pictures I took, I see a few more spots that apparently need some that he missed. Anyway, I get the bulbs replaced and the I proceed to re-decorate the tree. I was 85% done when it was time to go get The Child from school. I figured she’d want to do the rest when we got home, but surprisingly she didn’t.

Of course that could be because my allergies were back in full swing on Wed. and I finally broke down and bought some meds for it while I was buying the replacement bulbs. By the time she got in the car I was in a bad state. I had told her how bad I was feeling and that I had taken some medication for it but the meds were kicking my butt. So when we got home I went straight to my chaise, told her I was going to get just a quick power nap in to sleep off the meds. An hour and 20 mins. later I woke up. Gah! I hadn’t planned but maybe 20 mins. Usually either her making noise or the dog barking at a car driving by will prevent me from ever getting a decent nap in. So either they were both good as gold or I was in a drug induced coma for that hour & 20 minutes lol. Then I felt like complete crap afterwards until the meds wore off. But at least I had quit sneezing and I could breathe again through my nose. I finally got the tree completely finished. Ignore the crappy iPhone quality …

Yes, those are empty boxes under the tree lol. Apparently I have a box fetish and each year I would buy a couple more on clearance. I didn’t last year and I doubt I will this year. I apparently have plenty lol. They do make the most excellent photo props though. If only I had a reason to take photos lol …

Speaking of taking photos …

Can you see it? Do you see what is above the 2 kids head? That is a tv hooked up to a DVD player playing the disc of the pictures I took last week with my big camera that Master Scott said he has been playing all week during classes at the karate school. He said that a lot of the parents have been very receptive to having the pictures done and most were all for me just putting them on a disc instead of me printing them. He said he has been telling the parents we will be doing them sometime in February. I had hoped more like late March or April. I did overhear him refer to me as a professional while he was talking to a parent and I had to remind him that I wasn’t.

Shame on me … I forgot to mention that this past Sunday was our 17th wedding anniversary. Hubby gave me the best gift ever! He drove me 52 miles to the nearest Starbucks! He knows me so well LOL It’s the small things in life people!

I appreciate the notes on my last entry. I’m mixed about Hubby coming home for lunch also. For so many years I would practically beg him to come home for lunch and he wouldn’t. So I eventually quit asking. Now all of a sudden that is what he wants and though I do enjoy it, it is hard for me to break routine or to make new habits. I kinda feel like I wasn’t good enough for him back then when he had all his buddies to go out to lunch with but now that he doesn’t know anyone here, he is settling for me & that eventually he’ll stop coming home when he has someone else better to spend the time with. I hate being the only choice.

Alrighty, I’ve said my peace so I’m outta here … till next time ….