I’m such a dumbass …

For believing that it would all go according to plan …

For believing that these past 5 months were a sign of good things to come …

For letting down my guard …

For trusting that all would be well …

For trusting him ….  

So I stumble my way downstairs this morning, press the brew button on the Keurig and make my way outside. I come back in, fix my cup of coffee and make my way to my laptop. As I am waiting for said laptop to boot up and enjoying my first few sips of heaven I get an IM … "So I saw Hubby’s retirement was approved." 

Yes Ladies and Gentleman, once again, Facebook was informed before I was. Why? Why, why, why??? Am I not his wife?? What is so hard about calling or sending a text "Before I announce it on FB, just thought I’d let you know … " What does that say about me when he posts stuff on FB first? About our marriage? Ok, granted I keep my phone on vibrate during the night. Apparently some my friends and family don’t know how to sleep during normal sleeping hours thus causing my phone to ring, ding and ping at all hours of the night. If I didn’t put the phone on vibrate, I’d never get any sleep. But I do see each and every message when I wake up because I do check my phone.

Gah! I know, I’m acting like a 5 year old but still. It just pisses me off that we had made all these plans and in the end, my opinion didn’t matter. It ended up being all about him and his wants. I mean, for crying out loud, he has spent since 1993 to try to get a PCS to this base. He finally gets it and after 5 months he drops his paperwork? I don’t understand???? He has finally gotten a job position that is not demanding of him, he can take leave whenever he wants, works a normal 7-3 Mon thru Fri job and he throws it all away? Hell he spends most of his days doing his college homework at work. I just don’t understand.

But maybe if he would talk to me, I might understand better.

Maybe I just dreamed all of our plans? I thought plans were that once school started back up, I’d look for a job, and get established. I’d tuck even more money away and then when May come around we could start all this process now. We wouldn’t be in such a rush to find a job for him because I’d already have one and he could take his time to make the best decision for our family. Instead of taking a risk and accepting the first offer that is throw his way. Instead of living in this panic that we now find ourselves in. And The Child could enjoy her last year of elementary school.

Or maybe he is just being himself because it’s not like he has never done crap like this before in the past. I guess that aspect of him will never change.

I hate that we are having to change The Child to a different school. I did not want her going to 5 schools in 3 years. Hopefully we will be able to do it soon enough in the beginning of the school year that she won’t get too attached to her teacher and friends. Although she is attached to Tommy. But hopefully they will still be able to keep in touch with each other after we move. If we go to Dodge City we can still come back here for a weekend visit and such. 

Another thing I don’t understand … we will have all these retirement "perks" and we won’t be able to take advantage of them. The closest base to Dodge City is 2 and 1/2 hours away. So we’d have to plan everything once a month. And really, what’s the point? I just hope and pray at least 1 doctor in Dodge City is in the Tricare Provider network or else we are really screwed. Paying a co-pay for a provider is better than paying full price although not having to pay because we are near a base would be even better. But yeah, we can dream of a perfect world …

I have to keep stopping and starting with this entry because people keep calling and texting and IMing and The Child wants lunch and The Dog wants out to potty. It’s hard to maintain my train of thought when it keeps getting interrupted lol. Hubby even called to let me know that his last day of work is next Thursday. Gee imagine that … just in time for school to start next Friday … The icing on the cake? He asks me if I am ready for this. Are you shittin’ me? You should have asked me that last month before you started sending out resumes. Now you want to include me in your plans? Make up my damn mind for me! All I could reply to his question with is, "It no longer matters if I am ready or not. I HAVE to be ready. What’s done is done and I can only move forward from this point on."

Welcome to the real world Sassy. Man up and put your Big Girl Panties on. Fantasy Land is now closed due to lack of participation.

Till next time ….