Drunk Uncle Pedro

So I met Drunk Uncle Pedro this morning. Most people know him as Dr. Armando Perez-Soto though. He was a hoot! I have never enjoyed a Dr.’s visit as much as I enjoyed his this morning.

Hubby’s back has been bothering him lately and it got real bad last night. So much so that we did not get much sleep. Dog included lol. So this morning I pulled rank, made him call in sick to work (without pay!) and took him to the local Urgent Care after we dropped The Child off to school.

At first I was a bit "worried" because there was a lot of Spanish writing on the windows. I don’t read, write or speak Spanish. This town is 65% Spanish. What if all the people in this Urgent Care spoke only Spanish? Well, I’d just take him to the ER then. But luckily, they all spoke English.  

We checked to make sure they infact DID take Tricare insurance and got him all checked in. Because he is still technically Active Duty until November 1st. Then he will be "officially" retired. Ass made me fill out all the paperwork for him. I asked him, "The Hell? When did I become your personal secretary?" But since I got a few weird looks from the 2 Spanish only speaking individuals sitting in the waiting area, I filled out the paper work for him. Then he gets called back. 

The nurse is nice enough. She does her job and we wait about 10 mins. for the Dr. to come him. My first impression of him was "Boss Hogg" from The Dukes of Hazzard. He is as tall as I am and about as round as I am lol So he starts asking why we are there and Hubby tells him. He asks a few key questions and then says, "I can fix you. In 24 hours you have no pain. I promise this." So he sits down and starts carrying on a conversation with us. When he learns we just moved here, he then goes on to tell us how wonderful this city is. How happy he is. How it has the lowest unemployment rate in USA (he said exactly "in U.S.A" lol) How the immigrants all come to this city for jobs because everyone is always hiring, year round. He said, "You have job. You don’t like it. You quit. You get new job. That easy."

Anyway, he then goes into explaining his "miracle cure" for Hubby’s back spasms. But only if Hubby does exactly as he says, for 10 days. "We give you 2 shots to get rid of pain now. You start your 2 pills at 2pm and take then every 8 hours for 10 days. Not only gets rid of pain, it clears up inflammation. No more problems. But if you miss a dose, then pain comes back." he explains to Hubby. But to make sure Hubby fully understands, he draws a diagram and explains every "x", every circle, everything written on the diagram. Then he told Hubby to start at 10am today for his 3 doses and then start at 6 am tomorrow.

 
 

And incase Hubby still didn’t understand the diagram, he reaches over and grabs a 5oz. paper cup and dumps out an assortment of pills, digs through them, picks out a pink pill and a blue pill, and informs Hubby that his 2 pills will look just like those 2 pills. And then he laid them on the diagram to further get his point across.  :::scratches head::: 

So then we chit-chat some more about non-medical related stuff. And this is where I decided to dub him Drunk Uncle Pedro. After a brief history of himself, we learned he was born in Puerto Rico, he served 5 years in the US Army as a doctor. He settled in Michigan but didn’t like the cold. So he decided to try out Texas and it happened to be 108ºF that day (too damn hot he said) so he got back in his car and just drove. He stopped to spend the night in Dodge City and never left … 15 years ago lol. He is a co-owner in the local Hospital and we know this only because he was telling us of the 6 pharmacies in the area and to stay away from "such and such" (I forget the name he said it was called). He said, "That pharmacy is terrible. I know because I’m one of the owners and it sucks." His words, not mine! He said they could never keep enough stock in so he tells all his patients to stay away from it. :::scratches head again:::

I’ve dubbed him Drunk Uncle Pedro because watching him talk, was like watching a drunk in a poker game recite old war stories. He spoke real slow, like a true Mexican speaking English, and sometimes his words slurred. Not that he was actually drunk lol. He seemed like he would be a fun drunk, the kind you’d want to sit and watch carry on a conversation because it seemed like at times he was carrying on the conversation for himself, to himself. lol He was very entertaining. He even cussed at times. And he made so much damn sense that I totally understood what he was talking about when it came to medical terminology. He didn’t throw the big fancy words around. And he totally gave verbal descriptions of what he was talking about. I’ve seen a lot of Dr.’s in my day between myself & The Child and he is by far the best one I have ever had the pleasure of knowing!

Then he looks over at Hubby and out of the blue, "You are on wrong blood pressure medicine." Ooookkkaaayyyyyyy then …. 

Then he says, "You don’t take your car to mechanic, ask for tune-up, and he gives you the tools to do the job yourself. Most Dr.’s do that. Not me. Not when there is medicine to actually fix you." He then looked over at me and said, "You no go to eye Dr. and get glasses for 20/40 glasses to fix 20/60 eyes. No! You get 20/20 glasses. Same thing here. I don’t know why other Dr.’s don’t give you what you need to fix you or only give you half. Unless they hungry for your money and make you come back. Not me. I fix you. Don’t worry, I love your money too, but I fix you instead." So then he turns back to Hubby and says, "We have the medicine to fix you. I’m not going to sit here and tell you to exercise, eat healthy, and all that other crap (!!!!!!) when I have the medicine to fix you. It’s not your job to fix you, it is my job to fix you. And I fix you with this." He then went on to explain the differences between beta-blockers and ace-inhibitors and what the top reading and the bottom reading of your blood pressure actually mean and what each does and so on. Hubby looked at him and said, "Wow! For the first time, I actually understand. Before, the other Dr.’s evaded answering my questions. They just said to take this and come back in for a follow up. And you are actually the 2nd Dr. to tell me I’m on the wrong medication for my high blood pressure." 

Okay, and you were going to tell me this when Hubby?

So after spending a fun, entertaining 45 minutes with Drunk Uncle Pedro, and he was satisfied that we had all the answers to any questions (he even kept asking me if I had any questions!) he sent the nurse in to give Hubby his 2 shots in the ass. Afterwards, we met him in his office, which is in the waiting area, separated by a partition to make sure we had no more questions. He informed us he would love to be our family Dr., because even though it is an Urgent Care facility, open 12 hours each day, he had regular patients. He then told us the perk to using him was no having to make an appointment! LOL I think I will take him up on his offer lol.

So I’ve been lax in writing lately. The unpacking has been exhausting to say the least. All that is left is my office and a few boxes for our bedroom. I got delayed for a few days after I hurt my back on Saturday afternoon. Being the stubborn, hard-headed, I can do it myself, I don’t need any help from anyone self, I attempted to bring in a box. On my behalf, I had it on a dolly because I knew it was heavy. After much straining, grunting and sweating, I got the dolly pulled up onto the first of 3 steps into the house from the garage. Trying to get it up onto the 2nd step didn’t go according to plans. So I suffered for a few days lol. On Sunday, Hubby brought in most of the boxes and I was able to unpack them as long as I didn’t have to bend over lol. The Child got a lot of exercise that day lol.

I was hoping to start painting tomorrow but it looks like that will be on Friday now. I still need to finish my office and since I didn’t get to work on that today like I had planned, I’ll start on it tomorrow. Or maybe later, after dinner. Since last night totally sucked in the sleep department, it will definitely be an early night for me tonight. I’ll be glad when everything is settled and I can go back to a normal life. Ha! I said normal! As if!!

Today I have been dealing with Hubby’s back issues. The man can’t even dress himself. If that ain’t marriage, I don’t know what is. Here he is 5’10" 240 lbs. and I’m allowing him to use me as a crutch and I’m dressing him from the waist down. Yesterday I had finally gotten around to cleaning the jetted tub (and can I say EEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!) and the Ass got to enjoy it first, before I did. I even had to help him in and out of it. So yes, my body is sore as hell. Now that he has the good drugs I can go back to taking the Advil (we are low on it & payday isn’t till Friday so I was giving it to him & going without). 

And then at 1pm the school called to inform me that The Child was nauseous, without a fever and she was wanting me to come get her. *sigh* So I did. When she walked out of the nurses office, her cheeks were real flushed so I knew, as only a mother can know, that my afternoon had just become more interesting and entertaining. So far, so good and no throwing up. But the night is young. I’m not going to jinx myself and think all will be well lol. I have 2 Smirnoff Green Apple Bite’s and I’m trying really hard not to down them both right this minute lol

The Child turned 11 this past Friday. The Hell? How did that happen? Anyway, she enjoyed her day since Hubby was home for it this year. She said last year was the best because she got to eat chocolate cake for breakfast and didn’t this year. LOL Oh well, you’ll live. But she had a good day. We drove to the nearest big town on Saturday (Garden City – 50 miles away) to take her to Golden Corral for her birthday dinner so she was happy. And yes, I got my damn Starbucks! It was stop #1 when we got into town! LOL Oh, Starbucks, how I miss thee … lol
 
Oh yeah, *sigh* My parenting fail # 74,382: Tooth Fairy forgot to make a visit this past Saturday night. 

So I offered to "buy" the tooth as a souvenir/memento to add to her scrapbook since the Tooth Fairy has been so darn greedy with them all these years. This way I finally get to have one.

The Child’s reply: Ok. It’s right there on the counter. Ô_o

I’ll be glad when she is done losing her damn baby teeth. She’s lost like 8 in the past 2 months.

Okay, I need to go make rounds of all the sick beds and get ready for dinner. Ramen noodles (for a little girl’s upset tummy) plus grilled cheese (to make the big boy happy) is on the menu for tonight. Followed with a Smirnoff for Mommy’s dessert tonight before I pass out from sheer exhaustion.

Till next time ….