Dear Facebook Friends and Family,
Would you kindly please stop asking our 11 year old daughter (soon to be 12), or us, her parents, when she will be getting her own Facebook account. Although we are certain your intentions are innocent and noble, it is becoming quite bothersome to constantly repeat ourselves so that is why I have decided to write this out. Everyone will understand why she is not going to be having her own Facebook account anytime soon.
"Facebook requires everyone to be at least 13 years old before they can create an account (in some jurisdictions, this age limit may be higher). Creating an account with false info is a violation of our terms. This includes accounts registered on the behalf of someone under 13." – Facebook Tools for Parents & Educators
The Child is only 11. Therefore, according to Facebook, it is a violation of their terms for her to have an account.
"Okay, but there are plenty of children under the age of 13 that have a Facebook account. Why would she be any different?"
I’ll tell you how she is different. WE are her parents.
If we allowed her to have a Facebook account now, we would be teaching our child that it is okay to lie, be deceitful, bend or break rules to accommodate our own selfish needs.
In order for her to have a Facebook account now, she’d have to LIE about her age. Or we would have to LIE for her.
The world is full of enough liars, enough deceit, enough people who feel "entitled" or that the rules don’t apply to them. We will NOT allow our child to grow up thinking it is okay to be one of those individuals!
We are raising our child to be honest and to be held accountable for her actions. She has been taught from day one that every action has a consequence … whether it is a good consequence (rewarded) or a bad consequence (punished).
"But it is just her age. We aren’t asking her to go out and murder someone or rob a bank. Honestly, it’s just a number. It’s just a small, minor, silly little thing really …"
Okay, today it is her age. Tomorrow it is, "Yes Ma’am, I studied for my history test." Next week I’m finding a test with a "D" on it in the trash can. Next month it is, "Well there were other kids in my class who were chewing gum. It’s not my fault they didn’t get detention like it did!" (Yes her school has 30 minute after school detention for chewing gum!!)
Do you see where I am going with this? If we don’t take a stand now and draw the line between right and wrong, then when do we draw that line? Once you start with a teeny tiny little white lie, and you get away with it, then you’ll want to try it again, and then again, and then again. Before you know it, all these teeny, tiny fibs have started an avalanche and it is hard to get out from underneath it. So why start in the first place?
"But, but, but … but we want to know how she is doing! We want to be able to keep up with her and see her pictures!"
Her father and I both post enough information about/pictures of her on our own Facebook walls to appease you and everyone else. If that isn’t enough for you, then by all means please pick up a phone and call her! If you really are that interested in her, there are many of other options available to you other than Facebook. Even if she is grounded, she will always be available to talk to family!
Now, with all that being said, please understand that we are in no way, shape or form judging you for allowing your under 13 year old to have a Facebook account. We are not trying to step on anyone’s toes, we are not trying to say you are raising your child(ren) to be miscreant’s. You are raising your child the way you want to raise him or her, the way you feel is best for your family and we respect that. Honestly! All we ask is that you show us the same courtesy and not judge us for raising our daughter the way we want to raise her. And to please respect our wishes to stop asking when she will be getting her own Facebook account. We have promised her that when she turns 13 years old we will sit down with her and discuss it at length to determine if her actions thus far has determined if she is mature enough for Facebook or not. Until then please continue to enjoy the updates and the pictures her father and I post of her on our own walls.
Thank you for your understanding!
Sassy Moments Photography
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Mad respect!!!!
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Lying is linked to higher intelligence, but I hear ya
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I agree with you 100%. So good to know I’m not alone.
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Thank you!
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An incredible amount of respect for you. Far too many parents raise their children without the kind of moral compass that you are passing on to your daughter. Thank you for raising a respectable, responsible, and trustworthy human being. The world is desperately in need of more of these individuals, young and old.
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I agree 100%!
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From a grandmother who works with teens all day: Congratulations. I wish we could clone you and hand one out to every child whose parents do not take responsibility for their child’s online activities. Great job!
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I respect this – will be doing the same with my daughter. Have been asked ones so far if she’s not getting a FB account. She’s 3!
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Standing ovation! If the world had more parents like this, maybe we wouldn’t have such a global wide MESS!!!
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If I could ‘Like’ this entry, I so would. You seem like a great parent from this entry. 🙂
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If I could ‘Like’ this entry, I so would. You seem like a great parent from this entry. 🙂
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I remember being so angry with my parents when they put their foot down on things like this. I didn’t understand why everyone else could do what they wanted, but I had to follow rules that clearly didn’t matter. Now I know the word governing my parents’ decision: integrity. Any idiot can have a facebook page. Integrity is a lot harder to earn.
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I agree- stick to your guns- there are to many parents that are easy going about rules. Glad to see you had the nerve to post this! 🙂 One day she’ll understand.
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Thank you for being an honest and true mother. My daughter and none of my future kids are going to be on sites like that until they’re like 16. The only reason they’ll be touching a computer is if they need to do a project for school or play games without the internet. I’m only 26, but I have a very old fashioned view on how to raise children. I have a facebook account for my daughter now ONLY
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because I wanted a place to have all of her photos organized just in case my computer ever went kaput. I also have her linked on all of my family’s facebook so they can share those pictures to their wall.
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i tried not letting my kid have a facebook page too, but my parents went over my head and behind my back when they set her page up. my ex had it deactivated, but they just set another one up so now i just try to limit how much of her privacy i invade, which sucks.
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Well your efforts are sincere, but you are not understanding the common sensible reason why you should never allow any minor child of yours to have a Facebook account. IT serves only to assemble all of her data together in one place for the easy of any and every stalker-type on the planet. I mean, at least make somebody work to garner all of your child’s information!!!
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Do your friends & family read you on OD? If not, this belongs on facebook, not here. I think your worry about your child going downhill in school and becoming disrespectful should not be attributed to facebook but to adolescence. Your choice in how you parent is your right. Personally, I was not as rigid. Parenting is all encompassing. I remember when parents in the 60s said the same about TV andI hear parents in the 40s felt this way about radio.
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Saw you on the front page and I think you rock! FB can be a horror/freak show at times and I truly wouldn’t want even my 13 year old daughter exposed to that, let alone my 11 year old (these are hypothetical children btw). Shame that people won’t just accept your decision. I also totally agree – if they want to know how she is, they can pick up a phone! FB has really changed how people interact with each other from a distance.
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Amen!! I was actually going to post something similar down the line because people have been wondering if Tommy is going to get a Facebook soon :/
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Truest words ever! Love this. My husband and I took a lot of flack from people for being strict with our son… but at the end of the day, he doesn’t drink, smoke, do drugs, lie, cheat or steal… we must have done something right. Mad props to you for being who you are and staying true to you!
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You’re right about the lying, but I HAVE to ask: do you tell her Santa, the tooth fairy etc. exist?
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I totally agree with you!
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and the ppl who sign up for their pets. i’m all for fur love but i can’t even keep up with mine, let alone 30 different beings, lol <3
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I’ll keep on keeping on. I don’t think my child having one at 12 equates to juvenile delinquency. I’m pretty sure the smoking, sex, and drinking does. Imagine my surprised (ne, disgust) when the sheltered children typically are the first to willing drop to their knees all for the desire to fit in with their peers. I’m sure you never lie to your child, either. Kudos. Santa’s not real, kid.
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