Cheap male prostitute

That is what this hotel smells like … a cheap male prostitute. There is no floral smell to it … more of a manly smell. It reminds me of my young, dumb and stupid days when I would hit the clubs and all these gross men would try to hit on me. They smelled just like this hotel does. We ended up getting a smoking room because the smell of stale cigarettes is better than what the rest of the hotel smells like.

Anyway, we have made it to Dodge City, Kansas. Yeehaw.

The day started out on a good note. We decided last night to hit the road at 8. Hubby decided he’d wait till the day of closing to get his new driver’s license so we didn’t have to add that to our list of To Do’s today. Cocoa and I did lots of seat dancing to club music, singing our hearts out to 80’s music, etc. on our 5 hour drive here. LOL Hubby had to deal with The Child riding in the truck with him. *snickers*. All in all it was a good drive.

Then we got to the hotel and well, I’ve already discussed it’s wonderful merits. Granted it is a nice hotel and all but the smell just ruins it ya know. Anyway, The Child was all hypered up. The dog was full of anxiety. The 2 of them were driving me crazy. And Hubby. Then he starts his fussing. Joy.

We finally make it to the electric company & get that taken care of. Then we drive to the other side of town for the water company and get that taken care of. By this time it is 2:30 and we are all starving. They decide on McDonald’s so I drive there. I’m almost there & they change there minds for Wendy’s. Well Wendy’s is back on the other side of town near our soon to be new house. Ugh. At the same time our Loan Officer is calling …

Loan Officer: Mrs. Sassy, this is Tracy … blah blah blah … anyway, we need just one more item emailed to us so that I can give it to the underwriter yada yada yada …

Me: Tracy, first, I want to say thank you very much for finally calling us at a decent time of day so that we are able to actually do as you request in a decent time frame instead of you calling us at 5pm and then we have to wait till the next business morning to do as you ask. So, again, thank you for calling at 2:30. Second, I’m sorry if I come across as a bitch, but seriously, how many more times are you going to call us with a "I promise this is the last thing we need …"? Every time, you say this is all you need and then we are good to go. And yet, here we are again, 6 days away from closing and the loan is still not finalized. And why is it that the 3 separate requests for copies of our bank statement, for the same time period, not enough?

Loan Officer: Well Mrs. Sassy, the underwriter wants to make sure that there is enough money in your checking account for when we go to closing.

Me: Uhm, okay then maybe you got a different copy of the contract but our contract states that the sellers are paying $2K in closing costs and we have already paid the $1K earnest money that will cover any other closing costs. Not to mention the $300 we paid you guys. Why are we needing to shell out even more money?

Loan Officer: Well Mrs. Sassy, you shouldn’t have to pay any more costs. But the underwriter wants to make sure everything is covered just in case.

Me: Just in case … of what exactly? What are you not telling me?

Loan Officer: Oh no, Mrs. Sassy! I’m not hiding anything from you. There should be no more out of pockets expenses.

Me: Then help me to understand, read between the lines, whathaveyou, of why the underwriter is concerned with our bank balance and his wanting to make sure we have enough money to cover "just in case".

Loan Officer: Mrs. Sassy, I’m sorry if I got you concerned. There is nothing to worry about. It is just a formality blah blah blah …

Me: But that still doesn’t explain why a 4th copy of the same information is being requested at this late day in the game.

Loan Officer: Mrs. Sassy, please just make sure we get that information as soon as possible so that we can get the last of the paperwork finalized and then you’ll be ready to close on the 27th.

Me: Ok but you just sent an email a few days ago saying everything IS finalized and has been approved so what changed between then and now? Again, I’m sorry if I’m being bitchy but I’ve had a stressful few weeks, I just drove into town 2 hours ago. I’m expected to move into the house tomorrow. I don’t like being given the run around. And I don’t like being asked to provide information for things we’ve already provided. If you’ve lost the paperwork, Woman up and admit it and stop playing games, otherwise, make copies of what you already have and stop stressing me out further.

Loan Officer: Mrs. Sassy, I assure you, no paperwork has been lost! I can promise you that! And I’m so sorry this whole process has been so stressful! Normally, we get all the necessary paperwork & then everyone sits back till closing. Unfortunately, that has not been the case with you guys. We normally don’t work this hard to close so soon on a house but we have done so with you guys so that your family can start it’s new life without anything hanging over your heads.

Me: Ok, but what was the rush for us to close so soon? We were perfectly happy with closing on Oct. 12 and paying rent till then. We never asked you guys to put a rush on this. Honestly, we could have done without the added headaches and stress your company has added to our already full plates. Your company is the reason I’m being such a bitch right now.

Anyway, I’ll spare you the rest of the conversation and fill you in on what was going on while I was on the phone with her.

So since they had changed their minds and now wanted Wendy’s, even though I was almost to McDonald’s, I went ahead and pulled into McDonald’s & parked so that I could talk with the Loan Officer. While I am talking to her, Hubby is hearing my end of the conversation and is putting in his 2-cents worth and asking me questions. I kept putting my hand up in a stop! motion and he had the nerve to get mad at me! Then The Child is in the back seat wanting to know why we are parked and that she thought we were going to Wendy’s instead. I ended up getting out of the car, slamming the door shut & sitting on the hood of the car to finish the conversation with the Loan Officer.

So then I get back in the car & he is fit to be tied. I start heading towards Wendy’s (on the other side of town) and he’s all "Where the hell are you going now?" So I told him & then he’s trying to tell me that I said it was near the hotel not the house. So we yelled at each other back & forth over who was right and who wasn’t. I ended up telling him, "If it was near the damn hotel I would be driving there now instead of to the other side of the damn town!"

So we finally got our food & got back to the hotel. I take the dog out, come back in & eat and proceed to watch my words with The Child because damn she was testing me! I ended up getting so frustrated that I said, that’s it, I’m going outside into Time Out! No dog, no kid, no husband, no damn body! And I left and went and sat outside till I calmed down. Then I came backin, got on the computer & played a few FB games to help further calm my nerves.

So then it is time to do the house walk through. We get there and there is a car trailer in the drive way and a big camper. The hell? Apparently the sellers are still trying to get stuff out. The hell? Their shit was supposed to be gone by now. So then the Realtor shows up. She gets the key out of the box, unlocks the door, opens it and BAM! The damn chain is on it! The hell? So then her & Hubby go around to the back of the house. Same story. Are you effin’ kidding me? We can’t get into the house to do the walk through? So the Realtor calls the selling Realtor to contact the sellers to come open the house (they left via the garage and used the garage opener to close the garage door with, thus not leaving through any actual house door). 30 minutes later their Realtor is calling saying she can’t get in touch with the sellers. The HELL???????????????

So to make a long story short, we go back at 11:30 am tomorrow to take possession of the house and do the walk through. I told our Realtor that I wanted her there with us to verify everything. I don’t want it to end up a "it’s their word against our word" deal. All I know is the damn tacky cement pig statues all in the front yard will be gone or I will send them the bill when I call someone to come get them & carry them to the dump. And the damn dish satellite better be gone too. At least by closing. I don’t want it’s tackiness in my yard either. Oh I so can’t wait to see what the walk through brings to light tomorrow.

How the hell do you leave the house, knowing full well that you are leaving it because of a scheduled walk through for your buyers and not make sure at least one chain is off the door? I thought I was a dingbat but damn, this takes the cake!

So we came back to the hotel and I went and soaked myself dizzy in the hot tub. My neck & shoulders were feeling better afterwards but since I started writing this entry, they have seized up again lol.

Now I am good and ready for sleep. Not that I actually will get any decent sleep but well, there is hope lol.

Till next time ….