Will he still love me after this?

Right Now
.x. Time: 11:01pm
.x. Wearing: Pink shirt and black pants
.x. Drinking: Zima XXX Hard Black Cherry
.x. Jamming: Nickleback “Photograph”
.x. Talking: No one
.x. Randomness: Oh boy!!
Thoughts
Well I was thinking about this whole wedding thing. We decided on a month and a year…May of 2006. I’ve been thinking, is that too soon for us to even remotely come close to thinking about getting married? Should we push it back to 2007 like I suggested in the first place? Should we try living together first to see if it will work out? I have been thinking about all of this for a couple of days, and if I didn’t write it down I was going to burst. I mean don’t get me wrong I love John very much and I see myself being with him a great chunk of my life, but do I really I want to start that now? I am only 19, do I want to give it all up? On top of that, knowing that I still like Sean? Or maybe with the whole Sean thing it has to do with the fact that there are some unanswered questions that I am waiting to get answered? I don’t know. I am just so full of questions. 7 months and I will be Mrs. John-Thomas G. instead of Miss Amanda S. Am I ready for that big of a step? I hate being unsure. I just don’t want John to think that I am being pushed into this situation. That’s not it at all. It’s just thoughts going through my mind and the only one that can make up my mind is me.

Anyways, enough of that. I stayed at John’s last night. This morning I called my dad to see if he was coming out to sign the papers for court and he said no. I started to cry and all I wanted to do was come home. So John brought me home. I hung with mom and just was lazy around the house. Mom made me speghetti for dinner and I ate WAY too much to the point where I almost threw it up. I was putting a stamp on an envolope and I had to stop and run to the bathroom. Don’t get sick just had a very painful stomach ache. John called on all 3 of his breaks again. I miss him…

Hmm, I think I am going to go to my room or something and wait until the shower is free. Mom’s in there now. PLCG!!

-A*

Read John’s diary…Teluth