Why’s it feel like everything is ending?

Hey there everyone. How are things? Things here have hit a rough patch. I have become a firm believer that Pat’s mother is trying to drive him and I apart. Everything that she does makes me upset and I lash out at Pat which gets us arguing and if it has something to do with him we argue. New shit has happened between the last time I have wrote and now. Let’s start with yesterday.

Yesterday I got up at 10 to go to the bathroom and just get up. I get down stairs and there she is with a huge smile on her face WEARING MY CLOTHES!! I stopped dead in my tracks and was like “I see we’re wearing my clothes.” Her response was “well it’s cold down here and I have nothing down here.” I stomped off into the bathroom and before I got out that was when she ran upstairs and got a sweater of her own. She was wearing my pink sweater that I had on with the pictures with Pat. On top of that she was making candles with it on. The sweater is made out of yarn, not cotton so wax doesn’t come off easy if she got any on it. I looked at it and I didn’t see any but that was just looking. I didn’t feel it. So anyways, I went back upstairs to lay back down because I didn’t feel good. I ended up falling back to sleep. I left my cell phone down stairs on my kitchen table the night before. It rang and his mother answered my phone and took it upon herself to barg into our room screaming that I had a phone call. I ended up leaving the house last night. I came to my moms. I just couldn’t get out of my house fast enough. His mother kept trying to talk to me while I was trying to walk out of that door. I didn’t want to talk to her I wanted to punch her right in the face.

While at mom’s I watched this thing on the National Geographic channel called In The Womb: Multiples. Anyone watch it last night? Anyways, I watched it and loved it. It was so cool.

Anyways, back on track. I went home and today I had my ultrasound appointment so I went to bed early. But seeing we’ve been getting hit with freezing rain/rain/sleet/and snow I had to play it by ear. Mom called me at 7 to let me know not to make the extra trip over there and that Dan slipped in the drive way. Pat and I went down stairs and he went outside and the grass was iced and the car was iced, but the road were wet. We were all set to go up to the hospital until I mentioned to Pat the we only had 1/4 tank of gas. The next thing out of his mouth was “Well you should probably cancel. It’s bad out.” 2 seconds before that it was fine out but seeing they spent all the money knowing we had the appointment today I had to cancel. So I did. I go next Monday, the 22nd, at 4:30. Then he went upstairs and slept till 2:30. It made me feel he didn’t want to go. Now remember I said they spent all the money…all $1,800 of it. Anyways, I got up around 11ish. Went downstairs and there was a carton of cigarettes for his mother. From Friday to Sunday she has gone through 7 packs of cigarettes. 3 were consumed on Saturday. Pat got up and his mother got his 2 packs of cigarettes. Sitting there smoking in front of me knowing that I can’t have any. But we have no money for gas. I have to fight every week to get gas money. Whenever they want to go anywhere I go when they ask. I take them to work and come and get them when I can. Then the new one is this. Car insurance is due on the 3rd of every month. Pat gets paid on the 19th and then not again until the 2nd. His mother sat there and said not to worry about the car insurance. The last time he got advice like that was when she told him to not pay his mortgage and the idiot that Pat is sometimes listened. So now he’s behind. I don’t think so. So all in all it’s been a crazy weekend.

Now about the title. Pat and I have to come to realize that we aren’t as happy as we use to be. We’ve been texting all night and this is why I have that feeling that everything is ending:

PAT: I’m sorry things aren’t as good as they could be. I wish I could give you everything you’ve always wanted.

ME: I want to be happy with you. We were so happy in the begining.

PAT: I know.

ME: What happened?

PAT: Parents.

ME: Do you want to leave?

PAT: Leave you, NEVER!

ME: It just feels like you do. We aren’t as happy as we once were. I can’t see the screen I’m crying so hard.

PAT: You’re the last person I want to leave. I need you.

ME: And I need you.

Things are just getting really difficult and having the hormones making my emotions go crazy doesn’t help. Not saying that I regret anything.

Well it’s 12:09am and my mom should be on her way home from work. Thanks for listening guys. It’s just been really stressful. Next entry I hope is more up lifting.

Until next time…toodles.

♥ Amanda

P.S. Normal doctors appointment on Friday. Hopefully we’ll hear the heartbeats.

.The Angel.