Valentine…with the entry I promised…

Valentine
By: Martina McBride

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I’d still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You’re all I need, my love, my Valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You’ve opened my eyes
And shown me how to love unselfishly

I’ve dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn’t love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You’re all I need, my love, my Valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
‘Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You’re all I need, my love, my Valentine

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Well everyone, it’s 4:41 Sunday afternoon and here is this letter that I was thinking about all night long. Like I said I don’t plan on giving it to him, but I just got to get this out.

Pete,

Seeing everyone else with the ones they love just seem to give me a feeling of hope. Since you are not here at the moment and I see this, I think about when you get home and it gets me through the day. This has got to be the longest 4 months that I have gone through. This letter that I am writing to you is the elaborately explain how you make me feel. I searched way down deep into myself to come up with this, so here we go.

Hearing the words soul mate, fate, destiny, true love, love at first site, all make me think of you. The first day that I met you I knew that I loved you. I don’t know how I knew I just did. I couldn’t believe it either. I just got over someone that I thought I was in love with, but when I first seen your bright eyes something inside me said something. Something along the lines of “wow, I can’t believe that I spent so much time wanting someone when there is this absolutely perfect person sitting in front of my face.” I even talked to you when I was with you. Normally I don’t do that. Normally I clam up and then that’s where it ends, but for some reason it was competely different with you. I was myself. When you grabbed my hand when you drove me home it felt like a white light was all around me. It was an amazing feeling that I said to myself that I don’t ever want that to go away.

Later down the line we got to talking more and that feeling grew more. Hearing your voice puts me at ease. Call me pathetic or crazy in love but when you left me a voice mail on the Thursday February 17, 2005, I saved it so I always have your voice with me. I listen to it atleast 3 times a day. It’s a pick me up when I’m down, it puts a smile on my face when I’m down, and it reassures me, which I don’t really need, that you love me. Just with the little words that you left “Night Sweetie. You fell asleep on me this time. Bye” I could just hear the love in your voice. You can sit there and say that you’re a hard ass, but for some reason when you are with me, you can’t control yourself. You turn into a huge softy. Which to me means something. Seeing you makes me forget about every bad thing that is going on in my life. When you were home and I would come and see you I would forget that there was drama at home, or with my father, or with school, or with the most smallest things in the world. I feel free. I can be myself and I don’t have to sugar coat anything. All my flaws can be present and you see right through them all.

I swear, you are my soul mate. Like in the song above, “All of my life I have been waiting for all you give to me. You’ve opened my eyes and shown me how to love unselfishly. I’ve dreamed of this a thousand times before, but in my dreams I couldn’t love you more. I will give you my heart until the end of time. You’re all I need, my love, my Valentine.” There are no better words to describe what I feel about you. You hold my heart in your hands. It’s that simple.

I come to you for everything. Good, bad, and different. I do admit, however, I have a little bit of an insecurity problem, but I will get over it. I am just so afraid that someone else is going to come along and be able to steal you away. But if I think you love me like I know you do, that won’t happen. You even say it. Not directly like that but in different was. A good example is when we were talking about kids and how I said I don’t want any you were like “well if you are with me, you won’t be able to have any.” Another great example is when I tell you about my mom and when you said “if you ever end up like her I’ll kill you. I’ll do it mercifully, but I will kill you.” That shows that you want to be with for a long while. I don’t want to say forever because that just sounds so clache. I also do admit that I have a jealousy issue. Especially when it comes to Irene. It does bother me to know that you were ‘with’ her when you were still sleeping with me on the side. We’ll according to you, we weren’t seeing each other, and as I look back I vaguely remember why we stopped talking to each other. It was over love. Because I wanted so much with you and you weren’t ready for it. Also, knowing that when Irene called you the other day and she made that comment “I’m with your friend and not you” kind of stung. Subconsiously I think that you want her and if she ever came back that you would go back to her. Then I get a reality slap and realize if you wanted to be her that bad you’d be trying your damnedest to get her.

Having you in my life is incredible. I couldn’t ask for more. I want you with all your flaws, your good points, your history, everything. I want to be apart of your life everyday. I want us to get a home together. Some place where I can come home to and you are right there and visa versa. I picture us getting married one day. I see it clear as day. It’s almost real. I dream of it. I dream of the day that I will be able to take your last name and become Mrs. Peter S****. But it’s a dream. I don’t want to rush things like that. I like where we are at the moment. But someday soon, I hope that us living together can become a reality, and if we get married would only make my life 10 times as better. I love you with all that I am, and see you when you get back with open arms!!

Love,
Amanda

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So what did you think of that? Crazy huh? Never will I give that to him for the simple fact that I don’t want to scare him away. I don’t want him to think that I insane, granted I do that enough with the stuff that I tell him. I told him the other night that I was surprised that he was still around because of everything that I tell him and I am surprised that he can handle it all. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank Spirit for putting him my life. I also have to give a thanks to Leah because without her pushing me into going on a double date with her, Mike, and Pete I wouldn’t have met him and find out that he is the great love of my life!!

Well I am gonna go. My fingers are alltyped out and I am gonna go to Nicoles and hang out with her. I just don’t want to be home!! PLCG!!

-A*