Spiteful eyes are watching me…

Right Now

.x.Music.x.: “The Way I Feel” -12 Stones
.x.Tick to the Tock.x.: 11:29 pm
.x.Feelin’.x.: Good
.x.Drinkin’.x.: Kool-aid
.x.Rags..x.: Black pants and a pink shirt
.x.Chit to the Chat.x.: Matt

Just…um…yeah…slip the note under the door Hey there kids. I thought I would write seeing the last time that I wrote was when I was at dad’s house. I came home on Friday and cleaned up everyone’s mess. No one felt like cleaning the whole week I was gone. I was livid beyond belief. Anyways, I cleaned it up and talked to mom. Chilled around the rest of that night.

Saturday came around. Pete called me. He was all upset. It first started with a text message saying he had a day from hell and to either call or come over and he’d tell me about it. I called and there was pain in his voice. A guy ended up getting killed at the track where he works and it was a friend of his that he has had for 10 years. He didn’t know how to feel about the whole thing. He asked if I would come over and I said yes. I got there around 7ish that night and he sat there and talked to me. I walked in his room and he had this look on his face that I never seen before. I wanted to run up to him and hold him in my arms, kiss him, everything, but I held back knowing that if him and I did ever think about getting back together I want it to be on a slow pace. I want us to work back up to it. So instead of me doing what I wanted I sat next to him. We talked a little bit about how each of our weeks were and we had a shitty week. We ended up going to Newark to Wal Mart. He had to get something for his gun and we just walked aimlessly around just looking at nothing. We ended up getting some junk food…Sun Chips, popcorn and 2 6 packs of Mt. Dew. We went to Movie Gallery and looked for some movies. We ended up getting “Unleashed”, “House of Wax”, “The Devil’s Rejects”, and seeing that he hasn’t seen it yet “Amityville Horror.” He had me go get Amityville and I walked up to him and I completely forgot about his back problem I tapped him in the back with the movie case. He said “Whoa, be careful sweetie!!” It put a smile on my face. We watched “Unleashed” first. It was an ok movie. Then I laid down on his bed. He gave me a pillow and I cuddled with it on his lap. I had my head on his lap, he had his arm behind my back. He kept stroking my hair and making sure I was still awake. It was so damn cute. Anyways, we watched all the movies and it was 4:30 in the morning by the time we got done. He went to bed and I went home extremely tired and with one hell of a headache. I slept until 11ish the next day and did my thing. It got to be around 10ish and Pete called Sunday. He called to vent. His venting made my day. He told me that my ‘replacement’ was a “money hungry bitch.” She ended up stealing his dog, which after you add up the cost of shots and purchasing it came to about $500, he got her an iPod cause she wanted one, and paid HIS lawyer to be her lawyer to take the ex boyfriend which is now her current again to court. So in total he got suckered out of over a grand. All I had to say was “you dated her” and “you left me for her!” It made my day. Don’t get me wrong, I love that man to death but like I said if there was ever a chance for him and I again I want it to go at a slow pace. I don’t want it to fuck up again. So I told him before we hung up to call me Monday night so we could get together and do something. He said ok. He never called…

I seen Sean the other night when I went and seen Kara at work. I was there when he got there because I was helping Kara change gas prices. He said “what’s up,” and that was it. When I left I told him that I would speak to him later. I haven’t talked him since then either and that was Sunday night/early morning. I wanted to go and see him yesterday at work but that didn’t happen because I seen that note. So I probably won’t see him until next week. He’s off today and tomorrow, works Thursday – Monday. Brandon’s going to dad’s on Thursday and won’t be back till Sunday so who knows.

Now, about the last entry about me having a tweak moment. Well I called him, sort of, last night. I hit send on the cell and it let it ring on my end once. It rang on his end a half a ring but enough to show it was me who called. He called me back. I ended up going to his house. We talked and I cried. He wanted to talk about us and he wanted to know where we stand. To be honest, I don’t know where we stand. I just told him that I couldn’t deal with getting back together and then breaking up again. That’s it. I never said yes to getting back together but I don’t know. I did cuddle with him, and kiss him. Which felt really good to have that again. I just need to make sure this time. My head says go but my heart is all mixed up with emotions. I left his house at like 4ish. Came home and slept till noon. I’ve talked to him this morning and when he went out on break and when we go to hang up and he says he loves me I say it back. I don’t know what I am doing. I just need to figure it out soon.

Anyways, I think that’s really the real big updates that I have fo

r you. Other than that, I still have no job, Aéropostale called and said that they did there first group hiring and I wasn’t in it so I have to wait until December and Walden’s doesn’t want me cause I don’t have enough “book experience.” So yeah. I have an application in front of me for Uno’s Bar and Grill. I am going to file that out and take it back tomorrow. I’m just getting really upset and frustrated about the whole job thing. Enough to want to tear my hair out.

Anyways, I think I am going to go for now. I’ll update again sometime. PLCG!!

-A*