More wordings from yours truely…

Love me for me or not at all. It’s up to you how deep I fall…

Stats

[listening] Taking Back Sunday “This Photograph Is Proof”
[time] 6:00pm
[mood] Excited, lonely
[drink it down] Milk
[take it off] Khakis, t-shirt, hoodie
[talking to] Courtney

Hey everyone!! I’m getting quite persistant on this updating thing. It’s almost sickening!! I was just reading some past entries about things that have gone on and I have quite a bit of feeling on them, but first let me talk about what happened last night.

I talked to Gordon again last night. It got EXTREMELY sexual this time. I don’t want to talk to him and it be like that the whole time. All he wants to do is have sex with me. I mean don’t get me wrong but he is a great sex partner but I can’t keep doing this to Pete. It’s not far. I have no excuses for my actions. I was bored and he started talking about it. It was one of those conversations that I want to just disappear so I won’t put it in here. What the hell am I doing?! How can I do this with his cousin?! I gotta stop!! It just some how progresses to this stuff when I talk to him for an extended amount of time!! But I think of Pete the whole time that I talk to him and everything that he says he wants to do to me. I LOVE PETE!! Gordon was the one who didn’t want what Pete and I have so whatever. Plus I am not really doing anything, it’s just words. But why, then, do I feel so guilty? Is it because I know what happened? That has to be it, but no matter how guilty I feel Pete shall never know. Trust me!! I lose him, I lose the chance of a lifetime.

Speaking of Pete, he wants me to move to Toronto with him. Next year instead of staying here he wants to go to Toronto and work and that track. He asked me when I got done with school and what not, I asked why and he was like “You don’t want to be away from me all the time do you?” So in his way that was a purposal to come and live with him. I hope it happens. On the countdown, he comes home in one month and 24 days. I can’t wait. He’s calling me the day that he’s coming home while he is driving back up. He told me to get a lot of sleep because it’s going to be a long and fun weekend. I can only imagine what he has up his sleeves. Tee hee!!

Tomorrow mom get’s her taxes back and that means a new computer for yours truely!! Woo hoo!! I get it tomorrow morning and I’ll set it up tomorrow after classes!!

Well I am gonna go and get something for dinner and then go and take a bath!! PLCG!!

-A*

P.S. PLEASE DON’T JUDGE!!