Lovin is what I got…

*HE* makes me happy, *HE* makes me smile, *HE* gives me butterflies…

.Me.Right.Now.

Tic Tock .4:26 pm.

Wearin .PJ’s…work up only 3 hours ago.

Drinkin .Strawberry Banana Sparkling Flavored Water.

Eatin .Nothing.

Talkin to .Kara.

Thinkin bout .Sean.

Hey there everyone…just thought I’d update all of you on Sean. First off, the stuff between John and I is ceasing to exist. He’s getting to obsessive again and with the thing I have for Sean being as strong as it is I can’t be with him. Just wanted to get that out of the way. Anyways, Sean and I are getting really close now ever since that night I called him. I went and seen him last night and the night before at work. The night before I seen a side of him that I never seen before. We were having a serious conversation about an hour after I got there. Well, we got talking about what I wanted to talk about and I told him that I was waiting for him. I was referring to the talk that he kept promising me “tomorrow.” Well he wanted to know what was on my mind and I asked him what he thought about me liking him. And he said that he didn’t have an answer for that. He said that it wasn’t a bad thing. All he said was that it was “an inopportune time in my life.” I had to ask why and he said “cops” and I didn’t understand so I asked him “what do cops and me have to do with anything?” He didn’t answer it all he said, again was that “it’s an inopportune time in my life.” I started to walk around the store a little bit and he asked me what I was thinking. I just bluntly came out and said “I like you so much and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it!” He just looked at me in a stunned kind of way. We went outside and had a smoke and he said that it had to do with his growing up. Things I will keep to myself seeing that he asked me to. But he said that what has happened is the reason for all the walls and difficultness. He also asked me what I knew about him. I told him that I didn’t know much just from what I have seen at work. He said that there is more to him than work and that I should find out and after he said that he was like “that’s why I gave you my number. I didn’t give it to you for nothing.” We went in the store and I started to walk around again and I told him that he can top mine then that was something. I told him about me being raped, about me being molested, about Dan, and about my dad. I got the parts out about Dan and the molestation out and he came running over to me to hold me. We went back outside and I told him the rest and I started to get tears in my eyes and he did it again. He came running up to me to hold me and he said that he was sorry and that him supposedly fucking my head isn’t helping any. I told him that he wasn’t fucking with my head. He just held me and ran his fingers through my hair. Then he got serious and told me things. He told me to go and ask Kara but I told him no because I wanted to hear it from him and he told me some stuff. Which again I will keep to myself out of respect of him. We kissed and he just held me. It got to be 5 in the morning and I decided it was time to leave seeing that it was starting to get busy and he kissed me bye twice and told me not to be afraid to call him.

Last night was good as well. He was just having a bad night. He fought with his roommate and kicked him out. He ended up pounding a 6 pack before work because he was just so stressed. His buzz came down at 2 and he felt like shit with a hang over that he didn’t deserve. We didn’t have a serious talk again seeing I was running on 4 hours of sleep. Yeah greatness. I got home the night before at 5 and had to be up at 9. Then I didn’t go back to bed until 4:45 this morning and got up at 1:30 this afternoon. He did kiss me and kept me close. I stood in front of him and he just laid his head on my chest and sighed. He was just having a bad night. I have to call him later tonight to see if he wants me to come see him tonight. I hope so. I just want to see him.

But other than that, Sean and I act like we’re together, but I just have to be patient and I swear that this man is most defiantly worth it. I want him so bad that I can taste it. It’s more than sex, even though he has a tendency to turn me on at work and not finish. I want so much with him. I want to be there for him so he can put some of the weight on me so he doesn’t have to carry it on his own. My whole vision is just Sean…he’s all I see. In front of me when he’s not there, in my dreams, every where. I think about him all the time. Like right now. Just knowing he had a bad night last night I am just hoping he can have a better one tonight.

Ok, gotta stray from that subject. I heard from the Dollar Tree. I have to call back Monday seeing she never got my message last night. I’m hoping for an interview on Monday. She was going to go look over my application and then let me know. Other than that nothing.

Well I am gonna go and post the conversation with Kara that I had about Sean in another entry. PLCG!!

-A*

 

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