Crying on Thanksgiving?

xRight Nowx[Clock Says]: 8:11 pm
[Expensive Fabrics]: Long sleeve shirt and jeans
[Wash It All Down]: Ginger Ale
[Swallow It All]: Snickers Cheesecake
[Feeling]: Sad
[Inside Your Head]: I shouldn’t be this sad or even have tears in my eyes on a holiday
[Chatting It Up]: John
[Ear Candy]: “Wake Up” -Coheed and Cambria
[Wish Upon A Star]: To not feel so bad

xDear DiaryxHappy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope everyone had a good one and had some massive turkey!! *smile* I love turkey!! Anyways, I’m not too joyful on this Thanksgiving. It was good until I got to my Aunt Jeni’s house. We got there around 2:30ish and off the bat Gram asked me how my job was going. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I got fired and arrested all at the same time so I kept my head down and said that it was just fine. Other than that, Gram barely said one word to me. Anyways, that’s one thing. Then around 3:30ish, dinner just got done and we were putting everything on the table so we could eat it when all of a sudden the door bell rang. I looked out the window and isn’t it my father to get Brandon. Brandon inhaled his food cause precious daddy was downstairs waiting for him. I went down there to see my dad and he yelled at me. Apparently I TOLD HIM that he could come between 1-2 o’clock. What I said was that we wouldn’t get to Aunt Jeni’s until about 1-2 o’clock and dinner wouldn’t be until 3-4 o’clock. Mom was mad. I was upset cause he blamed me so yeah. I have to agree with my mom though. The man could mess up his own funereal.

Now back to what I was talking about with Gram. She didn’t say barely one word to me. She told us about breakfast that me and the kids do with her and Aunt Jeni, Aunt Susie, Ethan and MacKenzie and she seemed like she didn’t want me to go. It was said. I had to go give her a hug and a kiss if I wanted one cause she wasn’t going to get up and give me one. We left and we were driving down the road and I was like, to mom, “she hates me. Gram hates me.” She put her hand on my lap and said “she doesn’t hate you. She’s just disappointed in you. You haven’t even made the attempt to pay her back the money you owe her and you owe her almost $3,000.” I said that I knew but she hates me. Mom gave me a heavy sigh. Through my head I was screaming that I couldn’t pay her back yet seeing I have to pay everything else. I don’t know. I came home and started talking to John about all of it and cried. I stopped crying for a minute so I could write this. But why is it every holiday something goes wrong to make me cry? Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, it never fails.

Anyways, let me get to some happy things. I went and seen John last night. Now remember we aren’t back together we are just taking things as slow as possible to try and avoid all the shit that has gone on before. Had a nice time. I was so happy. I tried to surprise him after work but stupid me puts up an away message that I was going to surprise someone and that *HE* would be getting out of work soon. Plus I put sunshine in there and that’s what I’ve been calling John lately. But nevertheless, he was happy to see me and I was happy to be there.

Hmm, I think that’s it for the moment. I got out all I wanted. Sorry it’s a really sad entry but ya know…somehow I fuck up something. PLCG!!

-A*

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