Court and stuff from the heart…

STRIKEHey everyone. Just a short update before I go to work. I went to court last night. My last time. It was for my sentencing. They let me go with a conditional discharge, 40 hours community service and a $160 surcharge. The surcharge is pending because we aren’t sure what the law is for Y.O qualificants. My lawyer thinks that Y.O qualificants don’t have to pay a surcharge seeing that was the law and the DA is trying to say that the law was changed and Y.O’s have to pay a surcharge. So my lawyer and the judge are going to look into it and someone, either my lawyer or the judge will get back to me within a week.

Now if I didn’t qualify to use my Y.O, if I didn’t have my lawyer, and if I pled the first time I was there like I intended on, I would’ve gotten a sentence of 365 days in jail, a $1,000 fine and the surcharge of $160. Even though my lawyer made me mad at some points, I am so damn thankful that I had her. She did great things for me. She dropped the misdemeanor charge down to nothing but a violation. No one will have to know that I got arrested. I just have to make sure I don’t get into trouble within a year because if I do, the charge that I’d be getting for whatever I did PLUS this charge would be brought back up and I’d be looking at jail time. It would be the 365 plus whatever else.

Now onto something else. John and I are, um, well speaking when we see each other at work, and when we aren’t at work, we don’t talk. I did talk to him yesterday to let him know what went on with court because he’s been there for the whole thing and I felt he had a right to know. Other than that I haven’t really talked to him. But yesterday, just telling him about court was nice. We didn’t fight, we were very civil to each other. I went to bed with a half smile because we didn’t fight. I also do what I do every night. I cuddle with him blanket, and when I wake up in the morning it is still in my arms, close to my heart. I hate knowing that it took me forever to tap into the love I have for him. I just hope that I can make things right. I didn’t push him yesterday either. It just hurts to know that I hurt him and that right now he doesn’t want to be with me. I know he still loves me, but what I don’t know is how much and if it’s enough. Is love really enough? I lacked so much in the past to appreciate him, to tell him that I love him ever second I got, and to just shower him with all that I had. I was such a hard ass. I don’t want to be that hard person anymore. I just want him. I just wish I told him before this mess that he has my heart and soul. I wish that I didn’t make him think that he didn’t because I didn’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Ahh!! I’m depressing myself and almost making myself cry again. I can’t do that. I have to stay strong for me. I can’t fall apart because who’s to say it’s not over.

Anyways, I am going to stop this entry for now. It’s 2 and we have to leave here in about 40 minutes or so. Mom has to be to work at 3 for a meeting, so I am going to be an hour early. I have to work at 4, but seeing shes my ride I have no choice but to go early. PLCG!!

-A*

.The Angel.