Tired. So tired.

Tired. It could sum up my life entirely. Utterly exhausted. I need a long vacation to nowhere other than my bed. For real.

Both jobs are killing me. Being sick for basically over 2 months now, also killing me. Combined it’s an awful combination. The chick whom sucked to work with quit. Then the other chick quit. And another one said she was quitting – then instead turned in her schedule of all the days she wants off. Asks my boss if that’s okay – Ummmm, no? “Well it’s going to have to be.” The short labor market really sucks. As everyone knows they can be done and just go somewhere else. No big deal. Thus, I continue to pick up shifts. Far too many shifts. I keep repeating this week – just 6 more weeks – Then we will have two employees back and I can at least hopefully return to every other weekend, plus my two set weekdays. But honestly, she needs to hire like 2 more to have enough.

I have been sick again. I can’t even say it’s anything new. It’s like the covid after effects just won’t go away. More antibiotics. My lungs were again shot. Sinuses shot. Ears hurt. They will always hurt. No steroids – She said I can’t have anymore. My immune system is too weak to continue. I’ve had too many over the last few weeks. Ugh. Getting through this without them sucked. My lungs and sinuses are better. My ears still feel full of fluid and deaf. The rash still comes and go. My feet hurt. More than working hurt but like a random sore burning hurt. It’s all just awful. I need nearly daily naps. For someone who never napped it’s crazy. The weekends I’m taking a good 3 hour nap. Weekdays an hour. Sigh. It’s not cool.

The dogs have been jerks. Nolan and Franklin began fighting. Ever broke up a dog fight with two huge dogs that combined weigh about 240 pounds? Again, NOT cool. At all. After 3 fights I was seriously considering giving Nolan back. Yet I felt so guilty. Guilty for giving up too soon. Guilty for the dogs not living happily. Guilty for thinking I screwed up. The rescue is awful with communication. I get little to nothing back. No help. No guidance. I will NEVER use this rescue again. They left out crucial information which if I’d of known I’d of never even took the chance. To say I’m unhappy with them is an understatement. But the other rescue I had been using has been fabulous. She’s helped and recommended so much. I truly appreciate it.

After hours of sobbing Monday night because I didn’t know what the right choice was and was broken even considering rehoming Nolan. So broken and feeling like a failure. Lots of talking to the good rescue. Lots of research. I’m going to tough it out. I think I have it slightly figured out. I’m learning what’s causing the fights – Resource guarding. Including me, who Nolan considers his resource. A fight for alpha. Nolan has now chosen a safe place and is very meek around Franklin. He puts himself back in his safe place easily. I’ve ordered muzzles for worst case scenario. So far so good. Will there be another fight? Yeah, probably. But every good day gives me hope they’ll learn to live peacefully and maybe even be friends. If not I do think I have the knowledge to keep them separate and happy.

Baby steps. I know rescue dogs take work. It’ll be okay. I just keep telling myself this. We will all be okay.

So, we will see what the weekend brings when I have far more time to work with both of them. And we will just do this. Repeatedly.