Self-fulfilling Prophecy

 Incredibly bored at work.  Both therapists are out of town this week.  So I’m sitting here waiting for the phone to ring.  And it’s rang once in two hours.  What the hell am I going to do all week.  I despise just sitting here.  Must remind myself I’m getting paid decent money to do nothing.  Blah.

So, I think I’ve decided to make my diary friends only for awhile.  It was a great point that it may call Ty out and force him to comment if he can’t read.  I already have it set up to OD members only.  But it’s not all that hard to make an account.  The cookies on the computer are set up so that it doesn’t save generally.  I’m great at erasing my computer history if I’ve been on here and have started logging in on Invisible Mode when I plan on going on OD.  I generally only get on at work anyways.  However, I’m 95% sure when I got on a couple weeks ago on a Sunday I forgot to use Invisible Mode and I’m not even sure if I remembered to log off.  Changing password too.  A huge chunk of passwords are the same.  I know, bad idea.  But there’s always the possibility he knows the password and gets on that way.

I’m really not even positive he’s reading it.  But again, things just don’t add up.  He seems to know things I’ve never verbally said but have thought/wrote.  I keep going back to the fact he says I’ve called him a “retard” and that I’ve said he doesn’t care to find a job.  Which I’ve never uttered a word of.  However, I’ve probably typed both on here because I do think he made a retarded move quitting his job and I do think that he’s not trying that hard.  Last night he bitched that he doesn’t care if I’m sick because I’ve said he isn’t really sick.  Again, never said it.  Only typed it.  I could truly care less if he’s reading this.  I have no plans to change my writing or what I write about.  Yet, I could probably avoid arguments if he doesn’t know the true thoughts I think of him.  And I plan on posting this link, I think, to a mom journaling page I’ve used for years and years that is shutting down.  It would be nice to be able to weed out who from there gets onto here.  And on that one I’ve not posted the link yet solely because I know for a fact my mom use to go on & read it & at one point had to make that friends only too because of her.  So, I didn’t want to give her full access to this one.  But if I make this psychotically private for the time being it should be fine.  Too bad you can’t look at the IP addresses that read your diaries.  At one point that was a feature on a guestbook I had.  Then it would be easy to see where a person was logging in from.  Oh well.  It is what it is.  I’ll just go private for the time being and see if anything is said.  Ha.

Ty was a royal jerk last night.  Yet again.  I get that he’s sick, but I’m over it.  He’s been sick for an eternity.  He’s ALWAYS sick when he gets stressed out.  Yesterday I was reading some posts on “The Parrot Board” I go to.  One person had replied to a thread about how he feels that being sick is all in your head and the more a person believes they are sick the sicker they get.  However, if a person refuses to believe they are sick and continues to push themselves or whatever they won’t get sick or will get better quicker.  (He put it way better than I did.)  I totally agree with him to some extent.  I do believe you can make yourself sicker by wallowing in your sickness and doing nothing to improve yourself.  Ty spends hours a day doing nothing except laying in bed or sitting in the recliner moaning and groaning about how he’s sick and dying.  And every day he seems to get worse instead of better.  Yet, I had the same bug, pushed through it & feel relatively fine.  Sick, but not horribly.  Just a slight cold.  However, he’s STILL dying and showing zero signs of improvement.  It’s getting old. 

I think he needs to change his attitude and way of thinking if he thinks he’ll ever get better, get a good job, etc.  He’s so negative and such a downer.  I’m not shocked “his life sucks” so bad.  If you believe your life sucks, if you’re convinced you’re going to fail, if you’re positive the world is out to get you then of course it’s going to suck and always be shitty.  Because you’ve convinced yourself of that and the negative is all you see.  Yet, maybe if you actually try and put forth some effort into bettering yourself it would happen.  Guess I’m just REALLY tired of the “poor me” attitude while all he does is wallow in self pity instead of trying to fix anything.

Ha, I just google and found the word for it.  I knew we learned about all of the above in college.  It’s call a “Self-Fulfilling Prophecy”… “In other words, a positive or negative prophecy, strongly held belief, or delusion – declared as truth when it is actually false – may sufficiently influence people so that their reactions ultimately fulfill the once-false prophecy.”  Just google it if you’re interested in hearing more.  🙂

Alright, now I should probably quickly change my password and then move on to running to buy dog food since we somehow went through an entire bag in exactly two weeks.  (Yes, it would make more sense for Ty to go get dog food since he’s the one just sitting at home but we all know that’s not happening.)