New Floor Goals.

I’ve been shampooing carpets off and on all weekend. Slowly. As quickly as my sick feeling body wants to go.

In this process I’ve realized – Having carpet is ridiculous. For real. At least having carpet, 4 dogs and kids. King Snow loves to mark. He’s a 13 year old jerk pretty much. I ordered the “belly bands” for him to begin with. I can’t keep shampooing. But then I started thinking……

This is MY house. For real. And I do need to slowly start the upgrading process. Because A. It’s outdated and I live in the 1970s. B. It’ll make me feel great, make it more mine and be cleaner.

Goal 1.  Floors.
Goal 2. New back deck door and front doors.

These are the two things that need it the most. The back deck door doesn’t even lock it’s so old. But I don’t want to replace it until my floors are easy to clean and I can have a dog door installed with the door. The floors – Welllll, I have carpet upstairs, everywhere – including the kitchen – all from 1976ish. Yuck!

Step A for floors – Measure the area I’m replacing and order. My math says I’m going to spend about $4,000 on flooring alone. This will get living room, dining room, hallway, kitchen, stairs. Once Step A is here I’ll do Step B – Tear out carpets and possibly replace any needed baseboards or all depending on how they look. Step C will be beginning to install. With this take me hours, days, weeks? I have NO idea but it will be soooooo worth it. I’m cautiously excited. More living cheaply to afford my brilliant plans.

I have told myself – No more dogs until this is done. Granted, my therapist said no more dogs until I’m in an emotionally good space and not getting them to fill my emotional needs. But hey, I think floors is also a good no dog compromise. After that we will see. Ha. Doing math I currently have approximately 0 – 8 years MAX before all my current dogs pass away. That’s pretty depressing. Really, 6 years or less is probably more realistic for 3/4 out of 4 of them. The labs will be 4 & 5 this summer. Frank being a bigger lab gives him less time. Charger will be 10 in June. Snowflake is 13. Gator my last big lab passed away before 7 between his size and diabetes. Frank’s been healthier than Gator ever was, but I still assume 10 is simply a good goal for him. Heck, Charger and his perfect health since day 1 will likely outlive them all. I will be so sad when any of them pass but especially Charger. He’s literally lived 10 of the hardest years of my life with me. He was my only comfort when Gator passed. He’s watched me grieve our best friend, my marriage, my kids leaving home, loss of humans, loss of animals, loss of myself, the new finding of myself. I watch him sleep and can’t help but hope he lives forever. We need 10 good years together now. Just flourishing years, no more grieving years.

Tomorrow is supposed to be the day Captain D is done by and moved. I have no idea if it really is. I wish I did know. Seriously. It doesn’t matter. Yet it really does. I feel like I’ll feel so much safer knowing he isn’t in the same town. I like to believe knowing he’s gone will mean I go more places. Hide in this house less. I remain totally anxious at the idea of running into him anywhere. I just don’t want the confrontation or possible insane outburst if he’s drinking or high. I have been working on overcoming this if he never leaves. But I have to admit the easy way out sounds great. Seeing fuel trucks or a vehicle that looks like his gives me instant anxious feelings. It’s awful.

I better go work on being productive and getting ready for life. BB Gun tonight and I really need to hit the grocery store either before or after.