My dating world…

Hi. It’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me.

Well, maybe not all me. However, enough of it is me. I pick men that are emotionally unavailable or a walking red flag. Become instantly attached. Smother them with my sudden obsession. They, as typical unavailable men, run the fuck away. Repeat. That’s it in a nutshell.

I gave up on Cody. He’s a douche. Friends shouldn’t run away. You don’t get to kiss me like we’re more every time we do something then just disappear like we weren’t even friends to begin with. I hadn’t texted him for a couple days and got his watch bands so texted and asked if he wanted to grab them or wants me to just bring them to work. No fucking response. Seriously, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me or if he relapsed. I’m smothering but this is out of character in the same breath. We work together tonight. So I’ll just hand him the watch bands there. Should be a fun, awkward time. Well, I’ll just be me so it won’t be that awkward. I’d like my friend back now. Don’t date friends. Even for a week. Don’t date coworkers. Even for a day. Dating a coworker friend for a second – That was a dumb fucking idea Heather.

Funny story on this though from last night – Cody’s dad came in to get soup. He’s got a hole in throat where you need like the device to talk. Device is broken. So we play charades and write. Dude is a drunk addict. Super nice guy. He’s just got issues. I do like him. It’s the end of the night so I give him back his $20 and tell him just to keep it and enjoy the soup. It goes in the garbage at the end of the night anyways. He’s about in tears. I smile and give him a hug. Everyone deserves something nice done for them sometimes. It was just soup but that was probably his only $20. He comes back a bit later with a note…. Are you still single? I don’t know why you would be. Can we go on a date to dinner somewhere. Blah blah. You’re beautiful inside & out and I’ll still smile at you even if you say no. Blah blah. Of course I said no. But maybe I’d go to dinner as friends sometime. What I wanted to say is – Yeah, I’m single as your son is an idiot. Go tell him how great I am. Not me. Of course I didn’t. But it cracked me up. Keep it in the family. lol. I’m totally kidding. Not dating his dad. But I’d probably always have dinner with him as a friend as I feel for the guy.

So, I went on the date Sunday. Tom. He lives about 2 1/2 – 3 hours away so it was a little over an hour to meet halfway. I’d suggested just grabbing a couple beers and just chatting. I didn’t want to eat as I struggle with that these days. In Montana breweries have a 3 beer limit so I figured that would be perfect. Give us a reason to leave if it was awful.

He wanted to check out a regular bar. They were, of course, closed. So we ended up at the brewery. First impressions – Cute, great smile, perfect teeth, beautiful eyes and super polite. We each ordered a beer and the conversation just led itself. No awareness, no weird silences. Just nonstop talking about life, kids, families, jobs, hobbies, interested. It flowed beautifully. Random fact – North Dakota breweries have no limit – at least not if they sell food I guess. So there went my 3 beer limit idea. Though, it didn’t go awful so thankfully it didn’t matter.

We talked and talked and talked. Impressions by the end of then night – He’s a super nice guy and sounds like a fabulous dad. (He’s got full custody of his 2 kids so obviously he can pass the basics to accomplish that.) No massive red flags. Definitely some but we’ve all got some. No drugs, no felonies. We share a lot of the same interests and grew up with similar hobbies – motorcycles, guns, etc. Hard worker. Maybe a little shy at first and definitely not just a “player”. We joked, laughed, slowly drank beer and just had a good time. I’d told him he could reference marriage for years as the last online date I had was planning to marry me instantly. At the end, he mentioned he was mentioning marriage BUT he was looking at a couple jobs and leaning towards the ones that would get him closer to seeing me. In a nice way. Not a creepy way. It was sweet. He mentioned meeting his kids as their teens and his daughter wants to meet any girl he goes on a date with to see if she approves. The kids sounded fabulous. Like typical asshole teenagers. My favorite. I mentioned not meeting his kids right away as I don’t like to involve kids. He countered they aren’t young and know he’s on a date with me and it’s fine considering the fact they are pretty open with each other and again, he said if his daughter finds out we’re in the same town ever it won’t be optional as she’s insistent on getting her two cents in and has wanted to run his dating profile for him as she feels he needs to find a good girlfriend after being single forever.

In the end, he was like we’ve been here for a couple hours now and it’s went really good. I looked at my watch…. Ummmm, it was a 7 hour first date. Holy shit. I’m amazed we talked that whole time. Andddddd he did kiss me at the end. Andddddd, it was amazing.

We’ve been talking ever since. Had another date Tuesday night because why not rush into date number 2 even if you both have to drive for it. We’re talking about this Saturday if he’s not working as he’s switching jobs tomorrow for more money and isn’t sure if he’ll have to work.

He’s super nice. I really like him. I’m not planning the future like normal which is nice. Well, mostly not. I did tell him I’m a lot and working on it. That I know I text too much, I want too much too fast and I can acknowledge I’m ridiculous. But again, working on it. (I just finished a great book on anxious attachment which is 100% me.) He replied with I’d be fine and that he thinks my “too much” is great as it makes a person actually feel wanted and valued vs just have random, infrequent communication.

We will see where this goes. I did delete my dating profile. I’m good just talking to one person. I don’t want to date a lot of people. Totally good. Am I moving too fast. Always. I really am working on it thought and feel like I’m doing better than normal. I’m so glad I decided not to settle on less. I’m aware I’m looking for a distraction and now using Tom for that. It’s fine. At least I can recognize that.

I had more to say but I’m running out of time. So, I guess I’ll save my Jeff story for tomorrow. Jeff is the guy I tried dating like April – June when Max and I were not dating. The ONE I did NOT get attached too but instead he got attached. Creepily attached.

Therapy was really good this week too. I’d wanted to write about that too. It was intense. I’m working on opening up and being 100% honest for it and diving deep. It’s rough. Between therapy & my book she actually told me I’m diving too deep and need to back off to give my body a break. Guess I’ll write about that tomorrow. But hey, that’s a good thing I feel like.

Alright, I better get ready to go to the second job. Work with Cody. Yay Heather.