Budgeting Obsessions; No Christmas for Me.
We’re officially halfway through December. Thankfully. I will not be sad, at all, to see 2023 end. At all. This years been full of amazing ups, followed by life altering downs. I’m over the downs. I’m over the false hope. 2024 WILL be better. Why? Because I’m done with the false hope and goals that I have no control over reaching. Lets just go back to goals that I CAN control. Money. Budget. Trips. Work. I can control all of that.
Today I had random deposit in my checking account. I have zero idea why. From the State and a totally random amount. I’ve already got the property tax rebate and the whatever state tax rebate back in April and August. So, I have NO idea what this is. It gives no indication. It wasn’t a ton but I’ll assume it’s some kind of thing I made an overpayment for and enough to help a little. Who knows. Either related to work, taxes or my house.
With that I redid my budget – again. Okay, I redo this thing every single day currently. Assuming I can stick to my crazy strict budget that I’m already on – I’ll only have $200 left to pay next month towards the IVF/Miscarriage expenses and then I can take that out of my budget and not see that item every single time I open my budget app. This is my driving force. Having to see that line item every month is devastating. I could change the name, but I still know what it’s for. It doesn’t matter. Honestly, it’s what is helping me spend no money and pay this off. So, I’m just leaving it.
Tips this month have actually been pretty amazing. I’d set my tip goal pretty low as it’s been slower – way slower – with the holidays coming. However, many of my regulars are leaving larger than normal tips. Those passing through, also larger tips. Assuming this continues I’d actually pay off that $200 and be done with that item completely. I’m slightly hopeful, but don’t want to get ahead of myself. I’ve got 5 more shifts this month and I can hit that extra $200 if it continues. So, YAY. I just did the math and actually if it continues like this I’ll actually end up with an extra $450 in tips I hadn’t planned on and that would pay off that final $200 AND leave me some actual spending money. Positive thoughts. May the Christmas generosity continue.
Christmas… I’m just pretending it doesn’t exist this year. Literally. Normally, I spend FAR too much money on Christmas. I can’t afford it though. I don’t want to go into more debt for a few minutes of gifting rush with gifts nobody really needs. So, there is no Christmas.
I would have been just getting ready to go into the 3rd Trimester for Christmas. I’d already planned that instead of Christmas gifts for each other we’d spend that money on Black Friday baby items to build the most beautiful nursery I’d already designed on paper. My Christmas plan was to be largely pregnant, rubbing my belly, feeling my baby kick, dreaming of the next Christmas with my beautiful baby girl. So, yeah, if I can’t have my dream Christmas. I’m okay not having any Christmas.
My family… sucks… as usual. They’d planned to all go out of town for Christmas and guess who wasn’t invited – ME! I haven’t been invited to anything like that since I set boundaries and refused to let my mom be her stupid self. Now J is moving back here next week so instead of going there for Christmas obviously Christmas is going to be here. My mom asked in passing last Saturday – So, what are the Christmas plans? Ummmm, nothing? We aren’t doing anything? Uhhhh, you had plans you didn’t invite me to. Just because you no longer have plans doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly hosting Christmas because it’s now convenient for you. Okay, so nothing? NOTHING.
Seriously, I will NOT live my life for when it’s convenient for others. My plan was nothing, there plans changed. That doesn’t make my plans change. I’m good.
Other than that – I’ve got nothing. It’s my weekend off so I plan to clean, drink beer, not spend money. Same shit – different day – with just extra time to sleep.