Baby Snuggles & Friend Time.

Babies. They’re good for the soul. Pure baby perfection and innocence.

With today being a holiday I was free from all obligations. The restaurant is always closed Monday and Tuesday. Paid to stay home from the state. Zero requirements. My full plans were to sleep and clean.

Yesterday was my shooting class all day for one on one targets with a coach. Then picking our state teams. One of our normal coaches showed up who hasn’t been able to help as she just had nearly full term twins last month. She was thrilled to get out of the house for a bit. I was thrilled to have the coaching help. It’s been rough this year. My coaches are flakes. We were talking babies and I mentioned she could seriously call sometime if she wants extra hands while he husband works or someone to sit with the babies while she showers, naps, just someone to hold a screaming baby, whatever. I’m not phased by colicky newborns and would be thrilled for cuddle time. She told me she never thinks to call anyone and always feels like she should just do it. As we left I reminded her she could always call or text.

Today I woke up to a text asking if I’d come over this afternoon if I wanted to. I was surprised as I honestly got the vibe she probably wouldn’t call. Of course I said yes. She mentioned 1 p.m. would be great as that was the next feeding time. Perfect.

Twin 4 week old babies. Seriously, heaven. I’d live my life with newborns and dogs if I could. We got to talking about life, people, things. She finally told me she’d mentioned my offer to her husband last night when she got home and this morning he asked her to please call and have me come. This was odd I thought to myself. Through the course of the afternoon more slowly came out on how down she’s feeling, her rising anxiety levels, lack of sleep (more like zero sleep for either adult), the babies fussing, the overwhelming demands and never getting anything done as it’s literally feed, burp, change, put to sleep and by the time it’s all done it’s time to begin again and every night she just cries. She wakes up with awful anxiety. Things just aren’t that blissful. I 150% think she’s got some PPD going on. And honestly I can’t imagine life with that little sleep for weeks on end. She agreed she’d tell her doctor tomorrow and discuss options. She was worried how she’d feel on a medication – if she’d be too tired or sick or dizzy or something. I encouraged her to try it. I’d happily come help if she wanted to see how it worked and to have back-up just incase or I was sure her husband would help or her mom if she shared these feelings with her. And I encouraged her to ask for help. To accept the offers to hold the babies or do laundry. She mentioned not wanting to feel like an inconvenience. I assure you most of the people who offer truly want to help. Many of us remember the newborn days and motherhood isn’t easy. Use your tribe while you have them. (Because really, I feel like the offers dwindle once you’ve got a mobile, talking kid. Everyone wants the newborns though.)

As a society we glamorize motherhood so often. You see TikTok’s of people with a million kids, up and dancing around. Looking refreshed and happy. You see moms with twins in the cutest outfits or the babies being so wonderful. Happy, well dressed, face full of make up moms. How often does a crying mom show up on your feed? Or a mom who looks like she just rolled out of bed after months of not sleeping looking like an exhausted zombie? Not often. Personally, they never appear on my TikTok. It’s always the put together people.

So not reality. It’s a one minute glimpse into someone’s life. Someone who had time to get ready for their cute video. (I’m sure if I searched PPD I’d find some. But they don’t just appear.) Reality is screaming babies, puke, poop, milk covered clothes. Dark circles. Bad days. With some cuteness thrown in. Yeah, some day you’ll miss this BUT you have to survive it first. You have to make it to the other side before you can even begin to process and miss this new parenting side. And it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to admit it’s hard. It’s okay to have babies that don’t look like they belong in gap commercials all day. It’s okay to look like a hot mess and ran down. Because, honestly, you are. It’s reality.

I quickly realized her husband having me over was for more emotional support than anything. That he knew she needed the help and someone to talk to and share this with. The encouragement it’s okay to ask for help and to get help and it’s sure as hell okay to to be honest when you aren’t okay.

And of course – I’m the baby whisperer. I may never understand but babies and I love each other. Short of the demand of feeding, burping, changing – each baby was pretty perfect. Short bouts of crying. Nothing major. They mostly slept. She mentioned she didn’t understand as they are never this good and one is always crying. Nope, no crying. I determined one most definitely has gas and that’s his anger but it’s fixable with the right hold to help the gas move. The other – He just so happens to want to be held too, there’s really nothing wrong except he wants love and comfort. I gave some random tips to make things easier here and there. Nothing exciting. Just tricks after having kids. Her husband came home with dinner and I offered to leave so they could eat or take both babies so they could eat warm food. He’d brought me dinner too. Super nice of him. Visited some more and talked with him. He says – these are our first babies, we only know what google has told us and we need all the help and info and tips we can get. I realized he was more telling her he was open to help and it was okay, than for asking for help.

My moral – Check on the new moms in your life. Even if they tell you no, offer again. Assure them it’s out of genuine want and how happy you are to help. Yesterday, I was really impressed this mom had it all together and was doing so well. Today, I realized that is only surface level. That life isn’t going so well. I’m the type not to push. I don’t want to overstep bounds. With new babies I’ve always felt I need to wait for an invite and not be pushy. I get not wanting people around your new littles. I will still definitely wait for an invite, but in the same breath I will ask more questions, I will genuinely offer more help and I guess if there’s a single red flag I’ll probably be pushier. Because it does take a tribe. PPD is real. And motherhood is quite often overwhelming and exhausting, whether we admit it or not.

In the end I stayed for 7 hours. 3 feeding times. Got covered in puke. And enjoyed every single second of it. Babies are true food for my soul. Refreshing. Perfect. Wonderful.