Another woman, gone too soon.

Why is there always so much bad in the world? I find most of the bad I know personally is drug or alcohol related. Heartbreaking really.

My son used to work with this guy. I never liked him. Hated him really. Zak was 15 – 18. This guy would give him nice boots, shirts, etc. His legit job was dishwasher. How does a dishwasher afford to randomly give a teenager crap he doesn’t need? I always suspected A. It was stolen or bought with drug money. B. He was grooming him to grow up and be a drug dealer like his own children. Zak always insisted this guy was nice. I’d remind him his own adult son was one of the biggest meth dealers in town and there was nothing nice about this man or his family.

He went on to have a child with another woman. They both had adult children. Then this sweet boy together. I knew her fairly well from my days working Public Assistance. She tried so hard to provide for her kid. Often reporting 2-3 jobs at a time. Guy was in/out of the home. Often fired. Often on drugs. She sunk down that road with him. To recover. Keep her son. Relapse.

They’d moved away. She’d left him. I thought she was doing better. Somewhere in the last year they got back together. Saturday night this “man” – term used lightly – shot this beautiful woman to death. With their son in the next room. He then took their son, past the body of his dead mother whom he could see, and dropped him off with his drug dealer son before fleeing. He’s out there somewhere. Somehow nobody (meaning adult son) felt the urge to call this in. They gave him a huge head start. Did he kill himself? Flee to California? Flee to Mexico. All 3 are plausible.

My heartbreaks. As many demons as she fought, she was fighting them. She truly loved her kids. And somehow she loved this man who killed her in cold blood.

So many memories of Kira. It’s been nearly two years. This month is hard just knowing it was Kira’s final days. I’ve hated Andrew for taking the easy way out and also killing himself. Yet, I can’t imagine it being different and knowing he was on the run while we grieved. Maybe he did us all a favor.

Sigh. The world is a truly shitty place.

We stay. We stay for so long. For all the wrong reasons. For hopes and dreams that will never come true. In fear of not doing better. With no self esteem because we’ve been so abused. We set dates. Dates we will leave. Dates we will give up. Timelines of what needs to be done. All it takes is that one moment to end it all. One, final moment. I’m so happy I left, yet I’m so sad for all those still there. Still waiting for the “right” time. I simply pray more see their worth sooner than later and escape safely. Before another family or friend gets this devastating news. Before more children are scarred. Before we read another obituary. Before it’s too late.