An adventure some day

 Today I’m doing my entry in word.  Thanks for the brilliant idea.  I’d of never thought of it.  Seriously.  Lol  It is MUCH better to type without having to keep stopping to move the cursor back.  Yay!

Therapy went okay yesterday.  Once I got there I ended up with the huge urge to leave right away.  But I did make it through the entire hour.  We talked about Ty.  She asked if I’ve reached my “bottom line” yet.  No, I don’t think so.  She said eventually I would and everything would change quickly once that happened.  Hopefully that’s true?  I just don’t feel like I’m “there” yet.  I’m not quite ready to leave.  I’m not quite ready for him to leave.  Will I ever be?  She seems to think yes.  Then she talked more about me needing “adventures” to go somewhere else, visit somewhere else, live somewhere else.  She thinks I’d feel better anywhere but here.  (And this is the moment I wanted to go home suddenly.  Adventures scare me.)  She went into how because I grew up fast & because I’ve spent my whole life protecting myself I never developed the sensory trait of being able to feel comfortable doing new things.  So, my homework is to at least think about how it’d feel to be somewhere else, for even a little bit.

I have to say that the adventure idea has somewhat grown on me.  Yeah, it still sounds kind of scary, but kind of fun too.  I would love to go somewhere else for a visit.  (Moving isn’t even an option at this point.  WAY too much for me.)  Somewhere fun.  Problem is I lack the funds for this grand adventure so it’s kind of a pointless thought.  However, I’ve convinced myself I could pick a destination & somehow find a way to save money for it.  My idea of far away is like 200 miles lol… Maybe Sturgis again?  Does the adventure count if I’ve already been there?  Hmmmm, I’ll have to ask her that.  (Should also figure out if the adventure counts if I simply get a motel room and spend a few days in bed watching tv.  I’m thinking that doesn’t count?)

Ty does drive me crazy though.  He had swore last week he’d go to Williston this week and find a job.  He still hasn’t.  Not at all.  He’s turned in like two apps this week.  One of them was only a county job and not great pay IMO.  The other was some oilfield company.  He hasn’t followed up on any of the apps/resumes he turned in last week and the week before.  Why in the hell is this not even a big deal to him?  How can he feel happy sitting around jobless with being broke in the near future and inevitable?  Why? Why? Why?  It doesn’t make ANY sense to me.  None.  And it drives me freaking crazy.  I’ve given up on him ever keeping a job.  But now I’m starting to think I’m going to give up on him ever getting a job too.  A friend texted me yesterday and asked about Ty.  I then got a text back “You almost have to try really hard to be unemployed in an area that has a 2% unemployment rate.”  Good fucking point.  He could get a job easily if he wanted one.  I guess obviously he doesn’t really want one.  Now I wish someone could explain the why part of it to me.  Why a grown adult can be so damn irresponsible and stupid.

Yeah, I do think I’m starting to like him a little less every single day.

I’m feeling much better today than I did yesterday so that’s a good sign.  I still woke up feeling a little like my stomach hated me, but nowhere near like it was ALL day yesterday.  I must have either caught some slight bug or ate something that really disagreed with me.  Whatever it is I’ll be happy if it never happens again.  YUCK.

Zak’s IEP meeting is in just a few hours.  Still not overly looking forward to it, but whatever.  I’m hoping that at least one person there will have something intelligent to say.  But not holding my breath on that one.  We will see.

That’s about it.  Nothing too intelligent of my own to say I guess.