3DP3DT – Medications Suck.

3DP3DT… So what essentially, in the world of normal pregnancy, be considered 6DPO.  Too early to have legit pregnancy symptoms, too early to test positive, etc.

However, thanks to the amazing IVF Medications I’ve got going on – I feel AWFUL already.  Absolutely, 150% awful.

Pure exhaustion – I’m so freaking tired it’s not even funny.  I should have taken this week off of work too, but I need the stupid cash flow to fund this adventure.
Bloated – OMG.  It’s getting better.  It was awful for a bit. This is an improvement.
Headaches – Daily.  Yay.  The only thing to make them better – Sleep.
Nausea – If I allowed myself near a bathroom I’d be full on puking.  For real.  This is the WORST part.  I constantly feel like puking.  At the end of the day, I feel like I’ve swallowed gallons of acid.  It’s disgusting.

I know – 100% – it’s too early this is a legit pregnancy.  No, it’s the shots of Progesterone, the pills of Estrogen and Progesterone, the “boosters” of HCG making my body already think it’s pregnant and to try harder to grow this little embryo into a human.  It’s rough to think that I go through essentially a full 4 – 5 weeks between the stims and transfer meds – without even being guaranteed to be pregnant.  I could handle the all day sickness if I knew without a doubt it was for a healthy baby.  However, I don’t.  As far as I’m aware it’s misery for nothing but empty arms.  And that sucks to take in.

I go through phases – Moments of hope and excitement.  Moment of sadness and convinced it’s impossible.  I’ve read more statistics than you could imagine.  Realistically, I know the odds aren’t great.  Yet, in the same breath – the success stats – those are based off of REAL people.  Why couldn’t those real people be me?

I’ve done the due date calculator – March 9th, 2024 for a single baby.  This is great.  Perfect.  Wonderful.  Part of my insistence for a fresh transfer is I LOVE this due date.  I’m a number freak and I just like this number.  Never did I think about different due dates for more than one baby.  However, the calculator I found sure thought I should know them…. February 17th, 2024 for twins.  January 20th, 2024 for triplets.  Ummmm, yeah, that is NOT the goal.  Ironically, my birthday is January 20th.  So, that’s slightly interesting if you believe in fate and that kind of stuff.  However, that’s too early.  That’s only 33 weeks – Yeah, I know that’s good for 3 babies, but I don’t want to subject babies to a NICU stay.  I’m so praying 1 baby sticks and makes it into this world as a healthy, perfect, little human.

My thoughts go in circles.  Transferring 3 was crazy.  However, I know my odds and they aren’t great.  That’s why I was allowed to transfer 3.  I’ve read so much…. Soooo many varying articles….. 21% implantation rate, 39% pregnancy rate….. 44% implantation rate, 61% pregnancy rate…. 47.4% implantation rate, 46.3% pregnancy rate….. and the worst one 11.5% implantation rate, 44% pregnancy rate.  11% – 47% are drastically different.  However, I noticed 3 of these seem to have pretty similar rates.  If I just average these 4 studies we get….. 30.975% implantation rate and 47.575% pregnancy rate.

Basically, we’ll stick with that – each embryo only has a 30% chance of implantation and then not even a 50% chance of becoming a full-blown pregnancy.  I want to say the live birth rate is like 30%.  So, even if I get pregnant, there’s a 50/50 chance of staying pregnant and then a 30% chance of actually having a live birth…. Those rates aren’t that promising really.

So, today I guess I’m pessimistic.  I’m far more sad that I won’t be pregnant at all than worried about multiples.  And sad that I won’t be pregnant and I’ll just have pretend pregnancy symptoms for another two weeks.  That is WAY too long for no happy ending.

I’ll just keep trying to repeat that I can’t wait to have a healthy baby in March and we are going to have sooo much fun together.  She or He is going to be perfect.

Implantation should be occurring any day if it hasn’t already.  My accupuncturist thought by tomorrow.  Some stuff I’ve read says by Tuesday or so.  Who knows.  Either way…. I’ll just keep sending these little embryos all the positive thoughts I possibly can.  Mentally urging them to dig in and enjoy owning my body for the next couple years.