Wax In, Wax Out

You know what’s fun?

Trying to clean wax out of your ears!

Maaaaan.  My dad used to do this to me when I was a kid, and it was the WORST, because he wouldn’t use, like… wax removal stuff.  He’d just squirt warm water in there repeatedly for about 15 minutes and then pull it out with tweezers and it was SO UNCOMFORTABLE.  But now, as an adult, I just haven’t bothered.  Or, I have, and I used the ear wax removal shit once and my sis-in-law looked in my ears and said they were clear and I was like, "huh, weird, nothing seemed to have come out?"

Now, two years later, I’m trying again because I feel like my hearing has taken a turn for the worse.  ALSO, I wear ear plugs every night, and I know that tends to push the wax back and form a giant wax plug in your ear and that’s just terrible.  I’m trying to break the ear plug habit (impossible when DW is over, due to violent freight train snoring that ear plugs barely touch, but I can stop using them the rest of the time.  My insomnia’s just so fucking bad when I don’t have weed that it’s extra challenging right now to make a change to my sleep routine.), and I figure while I’m doing that, I might as well ALSO see if I can get the shit out of my ears.

So I’ve used the shit thrice now–twice yesterday and once this morning–for about 20 minutes in each ear.  And then I flush it out with warm water, and… nothing comes out.  Nothing, man!

Then I (delicately) shove a Q-tip in there, twirl it a little, and there is CLEARLY WAX ON THE TIP OF IT.  Which means it’s still in there, man!  Wtf!  How many times do I have to do this?!

I guess 10 years of sleeping with ear plugs when I ALREADY had wax problems as a child created some serious fucking wax in there.  I might have to get it professionally removed.  Or not.  I’ll just keep pouring ear shit into it until (A) it comes out or (B) I get a raging infection and have to get antibiotics and then when I’m at the doctor I’ll be like DUDE CAN YOU GET THE GINORMOUS BALLS OF WAX OUT OF MY EAR CANALS PLZTHX?

And he’ll be like "ew gross no" and I’ll cry.

You know who got hot as he aged, and then ugly again shortly after?  Every teen actor from the ’80s, that’s who, but specifically Andrew McCarthy.  I remember having a hardon for him when I watched Kingdom Hospital.  Granted, I was 14.  And oh, the rest of the show was fucking horrendous. Yeah, I got here by thinking about doctors and imagining Andrew McCarthy cleaning out my ear wax.  Deal with it.

I feel like Robert Downey Jr. is approaching the end game of hotness.  I’d say he peaked around Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.  I didn’t really find him that hot in Iron Man.  Though maybe that’s because Stark has the douchiest ‘stache in the world.

Nah, I’d still hit it.  HARD.  For like ever because he’s funny and that occasionally-bumbling kind of charming and he’s got mad issues that make me want to give him lots of hugs and tell him it will all be okay.

So while I’ve been pouring shit into my ears and lying on my side for 20 minutes at a time, I’ve been catching up on bookmarks I don’t read very often, via my phone.  But the fun part is, I don’t really remember who’s who without the help of the avatars/font, which is all fucked up on my phone so I get to play this weird guessing game.  It’s like opening random, coverless books I know I’ve read the first half of before, and trying to remember which plot matches which characters.

This entry is a scattershot of nonsense.  Fuck yeah.  I think this means I’m not as depressed as yesterday.

Time to go find another excuse not to look for work!